Bean Jokes

How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a phone box?

Throw a tin of beans in there..... How do you get them back out of it? Run past with the tin opener.....

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Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I've never paid a garbanzo to bean on my face.

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

How many beans are in Irish Chili?

239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too Farty".

Why are there only 239 beans in a bag of beans?

If there were one more it would be two-farty!

What happens when Jack is angry with his beans?

Jack and the beans talk

What did the bean say to the other bean?

How have you been?

Why did the Green Giant get a new lid?

Because he always spills the beans.

What did one bean say to the other?

How you bean doing.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

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Why does the hipster make crappy coffee?

The beans are always under-ground.

Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

Because the beans keep falling through the grill.

Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?

Beans on post!

Who's there! Cork! Cork who?

Cork and beans!

Why did ancient Egyptians love beans?

They made Tootin' Common.

Why don't mexicans have barbeques?

The beans keep slipping through the grill.

What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas?

I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.

Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Why don't Mexicans have BBQ s?

Because beans always fall through the grill.

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

What do u call a mexican in the back of a cop car?

Pork and beans

Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?

Because she's always spilling the beans!

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas.

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more bean would be too farty.

How many beans do you put in Irish chili?

Two hundred and thirty-nine. Why Because one more would be two-farty.

Why Mr.BEAN Bought A Brown Cow?

2 Get Chocolate Milk!!

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust?

He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*

Who's there! Bean! Bean who?

Bean working very hard today!

Why can you trust a coffee roaster?

Because he never spills the beans

What did Johnny Cash say to the waitress after he got sick at a Mexican restaurant?

I've bean everywhere, ma'am!

What is the politically correct term for Mexicans?

Human Beans.

What did the cannibal have for lunch?

Baked beings (beans).

What do you call a bean that's good at silent acting?

A pintomime.

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Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

One I say one.

How much do the potatoes cost?

How much do the potatoes cost " - "2.50" - "And the bag" - "The bag is free" - "Ok, give me the bag"

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

What do you call an Irishman sitting on his veranda?

Patty O'Furniture.

Garbanzo Jokes More Garbanzo Jokes

What's the difference in a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a Garbanzo bean on my face before.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo?

I've never had a garbanzo on my face.

Lima Bean Jokes More Lima Bean Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a lima bean on my chest

Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

How do you pronounce "nihilism?

It doesn't matter

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Iv Jokes More Iv Jokes

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

What's the difference between a chic pea and a garbanzo bean?

Iv never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

What do you call a bell which doesn't do it's work?

A rebell

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

What happened to German Orphans after WW2?

Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.