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Putin Jokes

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

What is the saddest that can happen to Putin's team for the Olympic Games?

To be put out.

What happens if you pee on Putin's head?

Urine big trouble...

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?

Crimea River.

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place.

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

What is Putin's favorite new ballot?

Crimea River

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

Where does Putin negotiate?

The Crimea River

What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother?

A brother, because you can choose your friends.

What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!

What's Putin's new favorite song?

Crimea River

Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet?

Crimea River

What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song?

Cremia River

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz

What's Vladimir's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Love Card

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Love Card

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What do you call Vladimir Putin after an ultimate fighting championship?

Vloody Putin

What did Russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?

Amputin

What do you call a hoarse Putin?

Rasputin

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What's the difference between Putin and Poutine?

Umm... I don't know... I've got nothing.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

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Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

What happens if you feed Link some Speed?

You get a Hyperlink...

Vladimir Putin Jokes More Vladimir Putin Jokes

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

What is Vladimir Putin's favourite Justin Timberlake song?

Crimea river

Ukraine Jokes More Ukraine Jokes

Why can't you wear shorts in the Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout...

Why shouldn't you buy underwear made in the Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

Crimea River Jokes More Crimea River Jokes

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

What's Putin's new favorite song?

Crimea River

End Jokes More End Jokes

What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

Baked ham.

What do girlfriends and sperm have in common?

They both always seem to end up in your clothes

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

What does Wonder Woman call foreplay?

Amazon Prime.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What was written on the UNIX user's doormat?

There's no place like cd

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE, She gets Hundreds of likes, comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's.