April Sale - 20% Off

Putin Jokes

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

What is the saddest that can happen to Putin's team for the Olympic Games?

To be put out.

What happens if you pee on Putin's head?

Urine big trouble...

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?

Crimea River.

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place.

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

What is Putin's favorite new ballot?

Crimea River

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

Where does Putin negotiate?

The Crimea River

What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother?

A brother, because you can choose your friends.

What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!

What's Putin's new favorite song?

Crimea River

Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet?

Crimea River

What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song?

Cremia River

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz

What's Vladimir's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What do you call Vladimir Putin after an ultimate fighting championship?

Vloody Putin

What did Russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?

Amputin

What do you call a hoarse Putin?

Rasputin

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What's the difference between Putin and Poutine?

Umm... I don't know... I've got nothing.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

You might also enjoy:

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.

Why did Hillary go to the gynecologist?

She was feelin' the Bern!

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?

He wanted rich milk.

What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Thanksgive Dinner Jokes More Thanksgive Dinner Jokes

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his Thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What should you do when life gives you melons?

Get tested for dyslexia.

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?

Purranks.

Why can't Americans play chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

Peach Jokes More Peach Jokes

Why doesn't Angelina Jolie like peaches?

Because of the "Pit"

What were Charles Darwin's favorite fruits?

Oranges and peaches.

Favorite Food Jokes More Favorite Food Jokes

What is Vladimir Putins favorite food?

Peaches and Krim

What's a astronauts favorite food?

Lays, because they are full of air.

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

What is Polish roulette?

It's similar to Russian roulette, but instead of a revolver it's played with an automatic pistol.