April Sale - 20% Off

Putin Jokes

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What is the saddest that can happen to Putin's team for the Olympic Games?

To be put out.

What happens if you pee on Putin's head?

Urine big trouble...

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?

Crimea River.

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place.

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

What is Putin's favorite new ballot?

Crimea River

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

Where does Putin negotiate?

The Crimea River

What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother?

A brother, because you can choose your friends.

What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!

What's Putin's new favorite song?

Crimea River

Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet?

Crimea River

What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song?

Cremia River

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz

What's Vladimir's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What do you call Vladimir Putin after an ultimate fighting championship?

Vloody Putin

What did Russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?

Amputin

What do you call a hoarse Putin?

Rasputin

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What's the difference between Putin and Poutine?

Umm... I don't know... I've got nothing.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

You might also enjoy:

Vladimir Putin Jokes More Vladimir Putin Jokes

What did Vladimir Putin say after dropping a smashing one-liner?

Putout

What did Vladimir Putin say to the Ukraine after he annexed it?

Crimean river.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How do you know a blonde likes you?

She screws you two nights in a row.

How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They glow in the dark.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What does train tracks and breast have in common?

They are both ment for boys but in the end it's the men who plays with them

What do a man and a rubix cube have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's?

One for 2008 and one for 2016.

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House?

So she can be pardoned.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What is something that can breakdance on the floor only once on their life?

A fish

What's the meaning of life?

Why don't you google it?

Vladimir Putins Jokes More Vladimir Putins Jokes

What is Vladimir Putins favorite food?

Peaches and Krim

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

How do the Russians invade the Ukraine?

They rush in.

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

None according to the Russians.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.