Putin Jokes

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What is the saddest that can happen to Putin's team for the Olympic Games?

To be put out.

What happens if you pee on Putin's head?

Urine big trouble...

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place.

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

What is Putin's favorite new ballot?

Crimea River

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

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Where does Putin negotiate?

The Crimea River

What is Putin to Ukraina, a friend or a brother?

A brother, because you can choose your friends.

What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!

What's Putin's new favorite song?

Crimea River

What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song?

Cremia River

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz

What's Vladimir's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What do you call Vladimir Putin after an ultimate fighting championship?

Vloody Putin

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What did Russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

What do you call a hoarse Putin?

Rasputin

Why is Putin Always early?

Because hes Russian (rush-en)

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

What's the Russian President's favorite song?

Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.

What's the difference between Putin and Poutine?

Umm... I don't know... I've got nothing.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

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What do Thanksgiving dinner and the refugee crisis in Europe have in common?

Turkey and grease

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his Thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

Why do we all marry?

Because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!

What is something that can breakdance on the floor only once on their life?

A fish

Vladimir Putins Jokes More Vladimir Putins Jokes

What is Vladimir Putins favorite food?

Peaches and Krim

U. S. Jokes More U. S. Jokes

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Favorite Food Jokes More Favorite Food Jokes

What is Vladimir Putins favorite food?

Peaches and Krim

What's a astronauts favorite food?

Lays, because they are full of air.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why can't dogs play hockey?

They always get called for roughing.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

Crimea River Jokes More Crimea River Jokes

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

Where in Eastern Europe does Justin Timberlake like to kayaking?

Crimea River

Kremlin Jokes More Kremlin Jokes

Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?

They were just Stalin for time.

Why is the Kremlin so much warmer this winter?

It had new windows Putin