Buddhist Jokes

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

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What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

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What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even...

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist prefer?

Enlightenmint!

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

What happened to the pie dish that got arrested?

He was foiled.

Why did the suspenders get arrested?

Because they held up a pair of pants.

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

What is censorship?

Removed

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What are unicorns who want better working enviroments for their fellow employees?

Unioncorns.

Why did Leonardo di Caprio want Steve Harvey to host the Oscars?

He'd get it.

Attachment Jokes More Attachment Jokes

What do you call a grandpa who couldn't understand why his email wanted to upload his attachment to share it?

An old man yelling at the cloud

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many country singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and another to sing about all the good times they had with the lightbulb.

How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twenty. 1 to drop it, 19 to go "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up".

Transcend Jokes More Transcend Jokes

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?

Deleted

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common?

Someone that didn't take it out in time.

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

My ears are burning!