Buddhist Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they enlighten themselves.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

They have too many ohms to be good conductors.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

What do you call a violent Buddhist?

A Zero.

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even...

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

They can't deal with attachments.

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

Because they're acetic.

How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan

How many Super Sayains does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

Enlighten Jokes More Enlighten Jokes

How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they enlighten themselves.

How many racists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Racists dont like to be enlightened.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.

How many chicken does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Still counting. Those darned birds can't seem to cross the road to get over here to screw in the light bulb.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator?

It's always 7% off.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb??

Just 1...blondes will screw anything.

How many SJWs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

THAT'S *NOT* FUNNY!

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

How do Asians find our they are pregnant?

They send a rubix cube up to see if it gets solved.

Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections?

She had an outstanding balance.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What was the last thing Beethoven accomplished?

Decomposing

Where did you get that thing?

Parrot says, "Africa."

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

How did Sherlock reply to Watson's inquiry, "Sherlock, where did you get all of these lemons?

A lemon tree, my dear Watson.