Buddhist Jokes

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

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What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

Because they don't have attachments!

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

Om's Law.

What is an omelette?

A small Buddhist.

How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

One with everything

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What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

I literally chant even...

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

With zen diagrams!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

Bad cam'ra

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What type of gum does a Buddhist prefer?

Enlightenmint!

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

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Hotdog Vendor Jokes More Hotdog Vendor Jokes

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Where is children?

Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

How does an atom with bad grammar respond to an order?

I on it.

Enlighten Jokes More Enlighten Jokes

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How manny women dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one she hokds the blub and the world revolves around her.

How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

In bytes

16 Year Old Jokes More 16 Year Old Jokes

Why did the 16 year old Mexican girl get pregnant?

Her teacher told her to go home and do an essay.

What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?

Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

Why should you stand in a corner when you are cold?

Because corners are

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?

"Make a fright turn at the corner."

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What paper product speaks really quickly?

Wrapping paper.