Penguin Jokes

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

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What's a Penguins favorite type of pasta?

Penguini

How does a penguin make a decision?

Flipper coin. Again, I shall take my leave.

What do penguins do in a race?

They peng-win

How does a penguin keep itself hydrated?

His waddle bottle.

Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage?

He had cold feet.

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?

Because he got cold feet.

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The penguin who pushed him!

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

What do you call a gang of penguins?

A ganguin

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Why are there no penguins in Britain?

They're scared of Wales.

What do you call a penguin that can't win?

A peng-lose!

What did the penguin say to the polar bear?

Nothing, penguins live in the South Pole and polar bears live in the North Pole.

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet!

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

What's your enemy called?

Dr Doom. Yours " "Joker" stifles laughter "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" just loses it

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What do you get if you cross a giant hairy monster with a penguin?

I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Because they can't get the wrapper off.

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Why don't you see penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

What is Antarctica's version of tinder called?

Pick up a penguin

What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?

Polaroids

Why are penguins so shy?

They always get cold feet.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins?

Fred.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin?

A life time ban at the zoo

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What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a penguin with a smoking problem?

It's a puffin!

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

What do you call an Penguin with dandruff?

Frosted Flakes

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN.. ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

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Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

How do you know if someone's an expert archer?

Put an apple on your head &amp stand still he'll Tell you.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the pancake cross the road?

His friends egged him on

Why was the chicken afraid to cross the road?

Because it's a chicken.

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?

The polar bear.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Cold Foot Jokes More Cold Foot Jokes

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet!

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?

Because he got cold feet.

Gang Jokes More Gang Jokes

What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.

What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

Britain Jokes More Britain Jokes

Why don't you see penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

Because they all joined

Machine Gun Jokes More Machine Gun Jokes

What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?

A gorilla with a machine gun.

What do you get when you cross a vulture with a machine gun?

As far away as possible. shameful

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag's a big plus

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?

Because it is below C level.