Penguin Jokes

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

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What's a Penguins favorite type of pasta?

Penguini

How does a penguin make a decision?

Flipper coin.

What do penguins do in a race?

They peng-win

How does a penguin keep itself hydrated?

His waddle bottle.

Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage?

He had cold feet.

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?

Because he got cold feet.

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The penguin who pushed him!

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

What do you call a gang of penguins?

A ganguin

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Why are there no penguins in Britain?

They're scared of Wales.

What do you call a penguin that can't win?

A peng-lose!

What did the penguin say to the polar bear?

Nothing, penguins live in the South Pole and polar bears live in the North Pole.

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet!

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

What's your enemy called?

Dr Doom. Yours " "Joker" stifles laughter "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" just loses it

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What do you get if you cross a giant hairy monster with a penguin?

I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Because they can't get the wrapper off.

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Why don't you see penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

What is Antarctica's version of tinder called?

Pick up a penguin

What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?

Polaroids

Why are penguins so shy?

They always get cold feet.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins?

Fred.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin?

A life time ban at the zoo

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

What do you call an Penguin with dandruff?

Frosted Flakes

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN.. ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

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Iceberg Jokes More Iceberg Jokes

What do you call Kosher ice?

Iceberg

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

Pasta Jokes More Pasta Jokes

What's a Jawa's favorite kind of pasta?

Rotini!

What do you call an atheist who no longer worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

A-pasta-ate.

England Jokes More England Jokes

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.

Aunt Arctica Jokes More Aunt Arctica Jokes

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN.. ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

How do u get a pool table to laugh?

Tickle its balls.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Groan Jokes More Groan Jokes

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

What does a cow use to solve math problems?

A *cow*culater. I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

Where do clowns live?

In a Clown Hall.

North Pole Jokes More North Pole Jokes

Why can't you find an Abbey National at the North Pole?

Because Santa dere.

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?

Cold cream!