Penguin Jokes

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

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What's a Penguins favorite type of pasta?

Penguini

How does a penguin make a decision?

Flipper coin.

What do penguins do in a race?

They peng-win

How does a penguin keep itself hydrated?

His waddle bottle.

Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage?

He had cold feet.

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?

Because he got cold feet.

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The penguin who pushed him!

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

What do you call a gang of penguins?

A ganguin

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Why are there no penguins in Britain?

They're scared of Wales.

What do you call a penguin that can't win?

A peng-lose!

What did the penguin say to the polar bear?

Nothing, penguins live in the South Pole and polar bears live in the North Pole.

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet!

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What do you get if you cross a giant hairy monster with a penguin?

I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Because they can't get the wrapper off.

Why don't you see penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

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What is Antarctica's version of tinder called?

Pick up a penguin

Why are penguins so shy?

They always get cold feet.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins?

Fred.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

What do you call an Penguin with dandruff?

Frosted Flakes

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN.. ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

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Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you mean I can't change the past?

Logs on to Wikipedia*

How did Reddit not fell down yet?

I mean, it is only hanging by threads...

Wale Jokes More Wale Jokes

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

Why was there a whale in Wales in a well?

We're not sure, its a deep subject....

Aunt Arctica Jokes More Aunt Arctica Jokes

Who is a penguin's favorite relative?

His Aunt Arctica

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

South Pole Jokes More South Pole Jokes

What did the penguin say to the polar bear?

Nothing, penguins live in the South Pole and polar bears live in the North Pole.

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A lost clause.

Hill Jokes More Hill Jokes

Why did the chicken soup cross the road?

Because it was down hill!

What is yellow and rolls down a hill?

Mustard in a rollerskate

Britain Jokes More Britain Jokes

What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?

The Daily Express.

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

Machine Gun Jokes More Machine Gun Jokes

What lives in a tree and is dangerous?

A crow with a machine gun.

What do you get when you cross a vulture with a machine gun?

As far away as possible. shameful

Roll Jokes More Roll Jokes

What did the pig say when his brother rolled on him?

Heavy!

What are these?

Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.