Steal Jokes

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

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What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky

What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?

He was convicted of fragrancy.

Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen?

Because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday"?

Because everything is a steal.

What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?

Carlos.

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks!

How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?

Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

How did the dog make anti-freeze?

He stole her blanket.

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

How's the business?

2) Do you have a girlfriend 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator

What is that white thing in my pork&ampbeans?

The Queen Bean. *Blatantly stolen from Ren &amp Stimpy

When did this happen?

A) I don't know he also stole my watch.

Why do potheads only steal from other potheads?

Otherwise there's nothing worth toking.

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What's a robin?

Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.

Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?

Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.

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What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor?

Rabbit Hood.

Who tries to steal fool's gold'?

A pyrite!

What's green and says "hey I'm a frog"?

A talking frog! Stolen from "Friends" still hilarious.

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?

Because the poor didn't have any!

Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

Husband: Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....

What did the baker say to the baby lamb who stole his dough?

Oh baby ewe...you got what I knead!

What's large, black and steals your credit cards?

Sony Playstation

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?

Carlos

What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air?

Pupil: It's stolen!

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What did Shang Tsung say when he stole Liu Kang's shoes?

Your sole is mine!

How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

What do you call someone who steals a glacier?

An iceberglar

What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato.

Why did the firefly keep stealing things?

What goes "snap crackle and pop" A firefly with a short circuit!

How do you get milk from a witch's cat?

Steal her saucer.

What do you call a stolen Tesla Car?

Edison.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Why do you want to learn jujitsu?

Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.

What do you call a person who steals and is then praised by his/her friends?

A Redditor.

What duo were famous for stealing horses?

Bonnie and Clydesdale!

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

Why did you steal that bird?

Prisoner: For a lark sir.

What do you get if your Kia is stolen in Finland?

No Kia

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen?

Activates its shelf destruct sequence.

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Recipe Jokes More Recipe Jokes

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Why'd the chicken cross The Road?

Because he wasn't paid the money he deserved.

What type of writing makes the most money?

Ransom notes.

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?

A full bull!

What did the teddy bear say after dinner?

I'm stuffed.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Where is Victoria working now?

In the kitchen.

How long do chickens work?

Around the cluck!

Admire Jokes More Admire Jokes

Why did the stoner admire himself in the mirror everyday?

Because he has a high opinion of himself

Why do people admire pirates so much?

They have nerves of steal.

Jacket Jokes More Jacket Jokes

What's The Pink Panther's favourite type of jacket?

No idea." "Denim." "Denim " "Denim denim denim denim denim..."

Why was the jacket stinky?

Because it was a windbreaker.

Sneaker Jokes More Sneaker Jokes

What are a ninjas favourite type of shoes?

Sneakers!!

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

Sneakers

Dealer Jokes More Dealer Jokes

What is your biggest strength?

I am always on time." "And your biggest weakness " "I get annoyed when my dealer is late."

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.