Steal Jokes

Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

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How did the dog make anti-freeze?

He stole her blanket.

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

What is that white thing in my pork&ampbeans?

The Queen Bean. *Blatantly stolen from Ren &amp Stimpy

When did this happen?

A) I don't know he also stole my watch.

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What's a robin?

Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.

Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?

Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.

What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor?

Rabbit Hood.

Who tries to steal fool's gold?

A pyrite!

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What's green and says "hey I'm a frog"?

A talking frog! Stolen from "Friends" still hilarious.

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?

Because the poor didn't have any!

Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

Husband: Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....

What did the baker say to the baby lamb who stole his dough?

Oh baby ewe...you got what I knead!

What's large, black and steals your credit cards?

Sony Playstation

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?

Carlos

What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air?

Pupil: It's stolen!

What did Shang Tsung say when he stole Liu Kang's shoes?

Your sole is mine!

How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

What do you call someone who steals a glacier?

An iceberglar

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What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato.

Why did the firefly keep stealing things?

What goes "snap crackle and pop" A firefly with a short circuit!

How do you get milk from a witch's cat?

Steal her saucer.

What do you call a stolen Tesla Car?

Edison.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What duo were famous for stealing horses?

Bonnie and Clydesdale!

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

Why did you steal that bird?

Prisoner: For a lark sir.

What do you get if your Kia is stolen in Finland?

No Kia

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen?

Activates its shelf destruct sequence.

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Jacket Jokes More Jacket Jokes

What's the best way to make pants last?

Make the jacket first.

Why was the jacket stinky?

Because it was a windbreaker.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why did the invisible man turn down the job?

He couldn't see himself doing the work

What did the god of lightning say after working out for the first time?

I'm Thor

Candy Jokes More Candy Jokes

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

What do you get if you cross teeth with candy?

Dental floss!

Wrong Jokes More Wrong Jokes

How many /r/Jokes users does it take to make a Joke?

WRONG! They don't make it, they steal it...

Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan

Ted Jokes More Ted Jokes

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What is the difference between a baby and a Mars bar?

About 500 calories.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What do you call a pirate who solves mysteries?

A pirate aye!

Why can't Pirates spell the alfhabet?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRgh