Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

What did the guy without hands get for Christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

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How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there! Census! Census who?

Census presents for Christmas!

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

He raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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How does Luke Skywalker get through the forest?

Ewoks

What did Luke Skywalker say to his sister's bully?

Don't you Leia finger on her

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why is your brother always flying off the handle?

Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose!

What's the second fastest thing in the world?

What's fastest thing in the world?

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

Why did the scarecrow receive an award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

Where do shoes receive their military training?

Boot Camp

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors?

Monk key

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

Why could Don Juan always pick up girls in his car?

It was electric. Also, the car had a set of hands.

What do you call a steak that is a girl?

Miss.Steak

Toy Jokes More Toy Jokes

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his toys?

Because he is a little shellfish.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.

Chimney Jokes More Chimney Jokes

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

Birthday Jokes More Birthday Jokes

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday?

With a low-key event