Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

What did the guy without hands get for Christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

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How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there! Census! Census who?

Census presents for Christmas!

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

He raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Which program do Jedis use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap?

I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts.

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

Chimney Jokes More Chimney Jokes

Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?

He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.

Where does He-Man keep his towel?

BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.

E Jokes More E Jokes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Why do church bells never send e-mails?

They'd rather give each other a ring.

Darth Vader Jokes More Darth Vader Jokes

What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common?

Using imperial units.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling.

What do you call a kid who falls into a gorilla enclosure?

Zoolander