Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

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How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there! Census! Census who?

Census presents for Christmas!

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

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What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

He raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?

In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Why did the kittens turn atheist?

Coz their eyes opened.

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?

By opening the car door.

Presenter Jokes More Presenter Jokes

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear?

It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear?

It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Rudolph Jokes More Rudolph Jokes

What was Rudolph's nickname?

Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

How do you turn a duck into a blues singer?

Leave it out in the sun until its Bill Withers

Black People Jokes More Black People Jokes

Why are there so many black people in Detroit?

It's because they heard there was no jobs there.

How fast are black people allowed to go on the highway?

25 to Life.

Joey Tribbiani Jokes More Joey Tribbiani Jokes

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear?

It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear?

It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

What veggies are the kids having with dinner?

Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...