March Madness Sale - 25% Off

Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

We've Got This Love Thing Down

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

March Madness Sale

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there! Census! Census who?

Census presents for Christmas!

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

Love Card

March Madness Sale

Love Card

What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

He raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?

In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.

I Love Pizza & You

March Madness Sale

I Love Pizza & You

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

You might also enjoy:

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big?

Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk.

What did the Psychiatrist say to the naked man wrapped in surran wrap?

Well I can clearly see your nuts

E Jokes More E Jokes

How do you spell elephant?

E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t "That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!"

What's a hippie's favorite animal?

An elk It has the E, the L, and the K. Would like to hear some more if you guys have any.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

What's her first name?

Kid: "Sorry," I think

Sense Jokes More Sense Jokes

Why is a cow that he jumps?

Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)

Why did the girls fall off the swing?

Someone threw a fridge at her. It's not supposed to make sense

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What does a piano, tuna, and a bucket of glue have in common?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Don't ask me about the bucket of glue though... I've been stuck there for a while

What do you call a cow that's swallowed a stick of dynamite?

Abominable.

Second Gear Jokes More Second Gear Jokes

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear?

It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

Prison Jokes More Prison Jokes

What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?

They both turn "o" into "O".

Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.