Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

What did the guy without hands get for Christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?

You only get presents from one set of grandparents.

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Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there! Census! Census who?

Census presents for Christmas!

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby?

You can feel his presents...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

He raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?

In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

What, How is that possible!?

Vader: I felt your presents. Luke: NOOOOOOO

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

Luke Jokes More Luke Jokes

How did Darth Vader know what Leah got Luke for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

How warm is the inside of a tauntaun?

Luke warm

Black People Jokes More Black People Jokes

Why do black people smell bad?

So blind people can hate them too

What's the most dangerous animal in Africa?

Black people. (Slightly Racist I know)

Elf Jokes More Elf Jokes

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Christmas Present Jokes More Christmas Present Jokes

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

What did the boy with no hands get for a Christmas present?

Gloves.... Just kidding he hasn't got into it yet.

House Jokes More House Jokes

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?

When the door is open!

Which pig is she?

Me: What do you mean 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks

Darth Vader Jokes More Darth Vader Jokes

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.