Girlfriend Jokes

What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

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How did a Hispanic farmer propose to his girlfriend?

With arroz.

What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?

Old Bae

What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.

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Ceiling Jokes More Ceiling Jokes

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?

When your nose touches the ceiling!

Why couldn't the glue hold the walls together?

Because it wasn't ceiling.

Calorie Jokes More Calorie Jokes

Why are Mistborns always so thin?

Because they're always Burning calories!

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

Mistress Jokes More Mistress Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur made of plastic bricks?

A legosaurus! Randomly made up this the other night, thought I'd share.

What did the Metis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?

They though it was Riel funny!

Color Jokes More Color Jokes

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

What do colors say when they laugh?

Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehue

Conclusion Jokes More Conclusion Jokes

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Did you hear that David lost his ID in Prague?

Now we just have to call him Dav.

What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

Zombie Jokes More Zombie Jokes

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss