Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen?

Scientist A: Are you sure? scientist B: Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO!

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

$5.99

Why do scientists call Helium, Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

March Madness Sale

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies?

0mg!!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?

They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

You might also enjoy:

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you call someone with no nose?

Nobody knows.

Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter?

The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What is best potato?

Latvian potato is best potato. Is kind you spend whole life looking for. Also, low calories.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Scientist Jokes

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

Why couldn't the scientist understand what the photon was saying?

What do you do to a scientist after he dies?

Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner?

Why couldn't the scientist find salt for his breakfast?

What do scientists wear?

What do you call a group of scientists discussing different ways to recycle power?

What does a scientist who has an epiphany while peeing say?

What did the scientist say when he discovered the lowest possible temperature?

What do scientists say when they meet each other?

Birthday State of Mind

How do scientists develop chewing gum flavors?

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Why do people studying engineering get to already call themselves engineers?