Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen?

Scientist A: Are you sure? scientist B: Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO!

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

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Why do scientists call Helium, Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

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What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies?

0mg!!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?

They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

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What do you need to split a photon?

A lightsabre

Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why didn't John die?

John is a bird.

How did Charles Darwin die?

Natural causes.

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when the teacher fell in the copier?

She was beside herself.

What happened when the 26th letter of the alphabet hit puberty?

She got a Zebra.

Flavor Gum Jokes More Flavor Gum Jokes

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke.

Prefer Jokes More Prefer Jokes

Why do differentiating mathematicians prefer Manhattans to Mojitos?

Ryes over rum.

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

Horror Movie Jokes More Horror Movie Jokes

What is the horror movie Quija rated?

Quija-13

What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?

The black one always dies first.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.