Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO!

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

Why do scientists call Helium, Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

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What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies?

0mg!!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

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What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke.

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What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What does LeBron James do after winning the NBA Championship?

He turns off his Xbox.

Photon Jokes More Photon Jokes

What sound do two photons make when they hit each other?

Planck!*

Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?

Because it makes up everything.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

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How can you tell when you are talking to an extroverted engineer?

They look at your feet instead of theirs.

Why can't your hand be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot..

Prefer Jokes More Prefer Jokes

Why don't vikings send e-mails?

They prefer to use Norse code.

Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?

Because she prefers to drive stick!

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list?

You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains