Scientist Jokes

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I'm no scientist

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What did the scientist say at the bar?

I'd like some H20 please.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO!

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

Why do scientists call Helium, Barium and Curium the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, You'd Barium!

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What do you call a pickle sandwich that's a scientist?

Dill Rye

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Why do scientists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?

Because, if you can't helium or curium, you'd barium!

What did the scientist say after discovering the medicinal content of homeopathic remedies?

0mg!!!!

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How does a scientist make a hormone?

The same way I do: don't pay her!

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Why do scientists look for things twice?

Because they research everything.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

What did the scientist who got attacked by sodium chloride say?

That's a salt!

Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?

They're always looking for Grant money.

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What do scientists solve?

Che-mysteries!

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

You might also enjoy:

Learn Jokes More Learn Jokes

Where do rabbits learn to fly?

The Hare Force

Why did King Kong join the army?

To learn about gorilla warfare.

Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back

Photon Jokes More Photon Jokes

What do you need to split a photon?

A lightsabre

How is it that photons travel so fast?

They are light.

Cleavage Jokes More Cleavage Jokes

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

How did Godzilla get the job opportunity?

Some say he had a foot in the door... and the window... and the wall.

What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Ow, mitosis!

Flavor Gum Jokes More Flavor Gum Jokes

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the man get a job as a horse handler?

He wanted stable employment

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

What did the gangster's son tells his dad when he failed his examination?

Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I told them nothing!!!

Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.