Nose Jokes

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

What do you say to a man with no body and no nose?

No body nose.

What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?

One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny

What is something that everyone overlooks no matter how hard they try not to?

Their nose

What's orange and sounds like a carrot!!!????

A snowman blowing his nose!!!!!!!!

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

Wet noses

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?

If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim.

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What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.

What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"?

Back achoo!

Why aren't dwarves allowed at nudist camps?

They allways stick their nose in other people's business.

Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent?

Because it nose.

Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose?

He was a ghoulsnif fer.

How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for French fries.

Why couldn't the police arrest the drug dealer?

Because the evidence was under their noses (They sniffed the cocaine)

How do nursing babies blow their noses?

With breast tissue.

Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun?

Because she had her nose in a hamburger.

Who won the animal race?

The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!

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What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

Why did the monster take his nose apart?

To see what made it run.

What did the mother snake say to her crying baby?

Stop crying and viper your nose!

Why do aardvarks make undesirable neighbors?

Because they always have their noses in other people's business!

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?

Because his nose was stuffed

What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?

Nothing, he already said it twice.

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?

When your nose touches the ceiling!

What does a man with a cow under his nose have?

A moostache (That was udderly terrible)

Why don't elephants like martinis?

Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Pick it! (Picket)

What do get when a ghost picks his nose?

Boooooogers!

What did the snot say to the nose?

I gotta run.

Why did the nose run?

It did snot want to be late

What do you find in an empty nose?

Fingerprints.

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

One knows the stops the other stops the nose.

What does God call his nose?

God knows.

What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?

Tulips.

What has two feet, two hands, two eyes, and two noses?

Two pirates.

How do you stop a dog smelling?

Put a peg on it's nose!

What does a ghost pick out of his nose?

Boo-gers

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

What did the mouth say to the nose?

Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait...

Who the clown use as his clown horn?

Who nose

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

How do you spell "nose" is Spanish?

Nose

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

What do you call someone with no nose?

Nobody knows.

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What lies upside down a hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

What shape does a muppet follow when throw through the air?

Pa-Ra-Bo-La (do doooo do dodo)

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What's invisible and smells like cough drops?

Koala farts

Why doesn't men use make-up or perfume?

Because we're beautiful and smell good!

Near Sighted Gynecologist Jokes More Near Sighted Gynecologist Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

What do near-sighted gynecologists and little puppies have in common?

A wet nose

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How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

Eskimos Jokes More Eskimos Jokes

What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

A. Polaroids.

What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal!

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Why is Bernie Sanders seems like having a long nose?

Because AIR IS FREE

Who has a long nose wears a mask and sits tall in the saddle?

The Lone Aardvark!

Bernie Sanders Jokes More Bernie Sanders Jokes

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

What do you call a well read/researched Bernie Sanders supporter?

Not a Bernie Sanders supporter.

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How does Snoop Dogg get revenge?

Faux pho fo' foe. Served cold of course. I also doubt Snoop has many enemies.

What do you call a disembodied nose?

Nobody nose. My 8-year-old niece claims she made this up. I have my doubts.