Potato Jokes

What do you call a potato that had too much pot?

A baked potato

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a potato?

You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you.

What kind of TB do potatoes get?

Culosis.

What do you call a potato from Colorado?

A baked potato

What do you call a potato in space?

Spudnik

What do you call the child of a magician and a potato?

A prestidigitator tot!

What do you call a potato that's also a sports fan?

A spec-tator!

What Does Potato Do?

Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

What do you call a potato with no limbs?

An amputater

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

A Dictator

Why is Latvian cross road?

Latvian see potato, but when cross is only secret police.

What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?

Not knowing how to use a coathanger...

What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware?

Potato!

What do a totalitarian mallard and a potato in an air vent have in common?

They're both duct-taters (sorry)

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

What does a tire made of potatoes have?

An inner tuber.

What's an Irish seven course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What do you call a dad without jeans?

A potato.

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

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How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six-pack and a potato

What's in an Irish 7 course meal?

A 6 pack and a potato.

What do you call a potato with one oar?

A row-tater.

How can you tell if a potato is baked?

It's are all red and glossy.

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

What did the potato name his son?

Chip. Sorry.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

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Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?

Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears?

Anything you want, He can't hear you!

How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you call a potato that's high?

A baked potato.(http://www.spudstravels.com/Travel%20Archive/Caribbean/Jamaicaimages/Cannabis%20-%20close.jpg)

What's the only disease a potato can get?

Tuber-culosis

What did the potato say to his lover?

You have amazing eyes.

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!

Why is it hard to buy potatoes on the black market?

Because there are eyes everywhere!

What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?

No potatoes.

What do you call a potato on the street corner?

Idaho

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm?

The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.

What's the difference between a chick pea and potato?

I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face.

How did the potato get back from the party?

It booked a Tuber.

How much do the potatoes cost?

How much do the potatoes cost " - "2.50" - "And the bag" - "The bag is free" - "Ok, give me the bag"

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

What did they used to be made from before the 1960s?

Potatoes

Why did Steve fall off the swing?

Because he was a potato!

What do you get when you sit on a potato?

A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9)

What do you get when a truck full of potatoes drives into kindergarten full of kids?

Moussaka

How does a potato keep up with it's friends?

With Google chromosome+

What do you call a potato who puts videos online?

A Youtuber

What do you call a mean Potato?

A Dictator.

What does a tomato and a potato have in common?

Both are red,except from the potato.

Why do dentists like potatoes?

Because they are so filling.

How does Al Gore spell potato?

T-A-T-E-R.

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

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U. S. Jokes More U. S. Jokes

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What do I look for in a girl?

Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.

What's brown and black and looks good on a hippy?

A rottweiller.

Goalkeeper Jokes More Goalkeeper Jokes

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

What Does Potato Do?

Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

Mashed Potato Jokes More Mashed Potato Jokes

Whats the difference between Mashed Potatoes and Pea Soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes!

What do you call an Irish milkshake?

Mashed potatoes...

Special Olympics Jokes More Special Olympics Jokes

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

What's better than getting gold in the Special Olympics?

Being normal.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Soup Jokes More Soup Jokes

What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup?

Yum Yum.

Which type of soup is the heaviest?

Won-ton soup

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he was married.

How do gingers make friends?

No seriously, im getting lonely.