Potato Jokes

What do you call a potato that had too much pot?

A baked potato

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What kind of TB do potatoes get?

Culosis.

What do you call a potato from Colorado?

A baked potato

What do you call a potato in space?

Spudnik

What do you call the child of a magician and a potato?

A prestidigitator tot!

What do you call a potato that's also a sports fan?

A spec-tator!

What Does Potato Do?

Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

What do you call a potato with no limbs?

An amputater

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

A Dictator

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Why is Latvian cross road?

Latvian see potato, but when cross is only secret police.

What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware?

Potato!

What do a totalitarian mallard and a potato in an air vent have in common?

They're both duct-taters (sorry)

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

What does a tire made of potatoes have?

An inner tuber.

What's an Irish seven course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What do you call a dad without jeans?

A potato.

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

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What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six-pack and a potato

What's in an Irish 7 course meal?

A 6 pack and a potato.

What do you call a potato with one oar?

A row-tater.

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

What did the potato name his son?

Chip. Sorry.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears?

Anything you want, He can't hear you!

How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you call a potato that's high?

A baked potato.(http://www.spudstravels.com/Travel%20Archive/Caribbean/Jamaicaimages/Cannabis%20-%20close.jpg)

What's the only disease a potato can get?

Tuber-culosis

What did the potato say to his lover?

You have amazing eyes.

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!

Why is it hard to buy potatoes on the black market?

Because there are eyes everywhere!

What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?

No potatoes.

What do you call a potato on the street corner?

Idaho

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm?

The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.

How did the potato get back from the party?

It booked a Tuber.

How much do the potatoes cost?

How much do the potatoes cost " - "2.50" - "And the bag" - "The bag is free" - "Ok, give me the bag"

What did they used to be made from before the 1960s?

Potatoes

Why did Steve fall off the swing?

Because he was a potato!

What do you get when you sit on a potato?

A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9)

How does a potato keep up with it's friends?

With Google chromosome+

What do you call a potato who puts videos online?

A Youtuber

What do you call a mean Potato?

A Dictator.

What does a tomato and a potato have in common?

Both are red,except from the potato.

Why do dentists like potatoes?

Because they are so filling.

How does Al Gore spell potato?

T-A-T-E-R.

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

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Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What do I look like?

A JOKE MACHINE!?

Why couldn't the man be bothered to look at the origami mountains?

Because it was pay-per view.* "paper view"

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What do you call a pirate with no friends?

Ginger Beard

What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool?

I can't be your friend anymore you're just too shallow!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between certain and uncertain?

Well, one things for sure

What's the difference between a mining company and priests?

A mining company puts miners in shafts.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why did the toilet make a joke about the balls?

It was low hanging fruit.

What is the most essential part of any joke?

The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.

Colorado Jokes More Colorado Jokes

Why should the lower 48 states be the lower 46?

Because Washington and Colorado aren't low, they're quite high!

What does Arizona name Colorado?

Border Collie

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why did Peter Parker get fired?

He spent all day on the web.

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Potato Chip Jokes More Potato Chip Jokes

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

Snacks that go crunch in the night.