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Kind Jokes

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A Columbus.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse!

What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What kind of sandwich is this?

She asks. "It cheese ma."

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A buzzness suit!

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What kind of tea isn't fake?

A property

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

A wet one.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

PokeMongoDB

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

What kind of light makes the best US president?

A blinkin' light

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound!

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

A shih tzu

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What kind of printer does a pig use?

An oinkjet.

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear?

Pig's tie!

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy!

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?

LemonAIDS

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

What kind of drugs do ducks take?

The snort quack.

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

Rub-a-dubstep!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters!

What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean?

ScubGodivas.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

Non-prophet.

What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

Capital letters.

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

What kind of bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

What kind of health insurance does a llama need?

Ollamacare

What kind of trainer are you?

T: I'm a Megan Trainor.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

What kind of trucks do pigs drive?

A pig up truck

What kind of bait do you need to catch a master fish?

Super Bait

What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?

A glowberman pinscher!

What kind of music does a printer make?

A paper jam.

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

What kind of buildings do terrorists have on their farms?

Allahu akbarns (I'm going to hell)

What kind of tea does an anarchist drink?

Cheap generic iced tea. Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?

Eski-moos!

What kind of tableware do gym trainers use?

Pilates

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

What kind of engine did you put in it?

Cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

What kind of pants do the Super Mario Bros. wear?

Denim denim denim.....

What kind of money do fishermen make?

Net profits!

What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move?

Poll dancing!

What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

Shelfies.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

OC I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

Sneakers

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

What kind of music do planets listen to?

Nep-tunes.

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

What kind of music do welders like?

Heavy metal.

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Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why does a dentist seem moody?

Because he always looks down in the mouth.

What does a Russian use to wipe their mouth?

A soviet

Eliminate Jokes More Eliminate Jokes

Why isn't Bernie Sanders campaigning in OKC?

They're both eliminated and finished second in their conference.

What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?

Discuss

Soldier Jokes More Soldier Jokes

What do you call a soldier that got attacked by mustard gas and pepper spray??

A seasoned veteran

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why do the versions of Windows jump from 8 to 10?

Because no one wanted Windows Nein!

Why is a cow that he jumps?

Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)

Crab Jokes More Crab Jokes

Why don't crabs give to charities?

They are shellfish.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Plain Bagel Jokes More Plain Bagel Jokes

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma?

People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

How do eels get around the seabed?

They go by octobus.

Why can't an eel and an eagle team up?

Because it would be eel-eagle!