Kind Jokes

What kind of ants are very learned?

Pedants!

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What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

Always.

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

What kind of olives do I like?

Olive them

What kind of whale flies?

Pilot whales!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

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What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What kind of jeans does mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What kind of tree barks?

A dogwood!!

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

What kind of limes open doors?

Key limes.

What kind of stupid phone you got there?

Him: Windows phone Me: Oh takes it and lobs it out the window Yes it is

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

What kind of country has a clown problem?

The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!

What kind of math do feminists study?

Triggernometry

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

Rep Tiles

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What kind of ant can you colour with?

A crayant!

What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

Cottontales

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico?

Baby cedar

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

What kind of patients?

All of them

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

A Bay-gull

What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

Boo bees

What kind of bell doesn't ring?

A dumbbell.

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A Columbus.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse!

What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What kind of sandwich is this?

She asks. "It cheese ma."

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A buzzness suit!

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What kind of tea isn't fake?

A property

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

A wet one.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

PokeMongoDB

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What kind of venereal disease does a Stormtrooper get?

An AT-STD.

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

What kind of light makes the best US president?

A blinkin' light

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound!

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

Pecan, typically.

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

A shih tzu

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What kind of printer does a pig use?

An oinkjet.

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear?

Pig's tie!

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy!

What kind of laundry detergent do handicapped people use?

Downy. I apologize for this one, it's pretty mean. I really do sympathize with handicapped people.

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?

LemonAIDS

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

What kind of drugs do ducks take?

The snort quack.

What kind of punch hurts the most?

A Sandy Hook.

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

Rub-a-dubstep!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters!

What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean?

ScubGodivas.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

Non-prophet.

What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

Capital letters.

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

What kind of bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

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Baltimore Jokes More Baltimore Jokes

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

Cruise Jokes More Cruise Jokes

Why didn't the pig have to pay for drinks on the cruise?

It was all-oink-lusive.

What do you call a line dancer on a cruise?

A. An Ocean "Liner"

Mouse Jokes More Mouse Jokes

Who is king of all the mice?

Mouse Tse Tung!

What does a cat call a bowl of mice?

A purrfect meal!

Sushi Restaurant Jokes More Sushi Restaurant Jokes

What kind of eel is this?

Diner at the sushi restaurant: "What kind of eel is this?" Waiter: "Do you love it?" Diner: "yeah" Waiter: "Then, that's a moray"

What did the fish say for stinking up the sushi restaurant?

I am saury.

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

What do bullets and I have in common?

We don't miss Harambe.

Bagel Jokes More Bagel Jokes

What do you call a seagull that flies by the bay?

A bagel

Why don't seagulls fly in the bay?

Because they don't want to be bagels.

Mickey Mouse Jokes More Mickey Mouse Jokes

What mouse has two legs?

Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs

What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What are the three words you dread the most while making love?

Honey, I'm home.

Why do I love putting down kids without parents?

Cause endorphins make me feel good.