Kind Jokes

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

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What kind of doctor does a duck visit?

A Ducktor.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions?

A Humblebee.

What kind of money do snowmen use?

Iced lolly.

What kind of snake is good at building things?

A boa constructor.

What kind of story does a rabbit tell?

A fluffy tale.

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

What kind of wig can hear?

An earwig!

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What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

What kind of name is Joaquin?

It's not Russian

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shellfies!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

What kind of music can't Ed Sheeran play?

Soul

What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear?

Just a pair 'a normal pants.

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What kind of shoes to frogs like?

Open toad sandals!

What kind of ants are very learned?

Pedants!

What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

Always.

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

What kind of olives do I like?

Olive them

What kind of whale flies?

Pilot whales!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What kind of tree barks?

A dogwood!!

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

What kind of limes open doors?

Key limes.

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

What kind of math do feminists study?

Triggernometry

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

Rep Tiles

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What kind of ant can you colour with?

A crayant!

What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

Cottontales

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

A Bay-gull

What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

Boo bees

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A Columbus.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse!

What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A buzzness suit!

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What kind of tea isn't fake?

A property

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

A wet one.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

PokeMongoDB

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

What kind of light makes the best US president?

A blinkin' light

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound!

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

A shih tzu

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What kind of printer does a pig use?

An oinkjet.

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear?

Pig's tie!

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy!

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

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Mickey Mouse Jokes More Mickey Mouse Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse?

The hell out of there.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why do the Republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

What stars go to jail?

Shooting stars.

Sushi Restaurant Jokes More Sushi Restaurant Jokes

What did the fish say for stinking up the sushi restaurant?

I am saury.

What kind of eel is this?

Diner at the sushi restaurant: "What kind of eel is this?" Waiter: "Do you love it?" Diner: "yeah" Waiter: "Then, that's a moray"

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?

A slippery customer.

Eliminate Jokes More Eliminate Jokes

Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?

Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

What kind of footwear do Whitewalkers use?

The Hodor-eliminating kind.

Moray Jokes More Moray Jokes

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

What did the Italian say when the eel swam by?

That's a Moray.

Vitamin D Jokes More Vitamin D Jokes

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?

Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.