Kind Jokes

What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

Always.

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What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

What kind of olives do I like?

Olive them

What kind of whale flies?

Pilot whales!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What kind of tree barks?

A dogwood!!

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What kind of limes open doors?

Key limes.

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

What kind of math do feminists study?

Triggernometry

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

Rep Tiles

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What kind of ant can you colour with?

A crayant!

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What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

Cottontales

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

A Bay-gull

What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

Boo bees

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A Columbus.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse!

What kind of oranges do you take on a boat?

Naval oranges. I'msosorry.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A buzzness suit!

What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What kind of tea isn't fake?

A property

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of coat does a vampire wear in the rain?

A wet one.

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

What kind of database does a Pokedex use?

PokeMongoDB

What kind of cereal does Microsoft make?

Wind O's

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What kind of a star can be risky?

A shooting star!

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

What kind of light makes the best US president?

A blinkin' light

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound!

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What kind of phone makes music?

A saxophone.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog?

A shih tzu

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

What kind of printer does a pig use?

An oinkjet.

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear?

Pig's tie!

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy!

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

What kind of drugs do ducks take?

The snort quack.

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

Rub-a-dubstep!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters!

What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean?

ScubGodivas.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

Non-prophet.

What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

Capital letters.

What do cows like to line dance to?

Any kind of moosic you like!

What kind of bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

What kind of health insurance does a llama need?

Ollamacare

What kind of trainer are you?

T: I'm a Megan Trainor.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

What kind of trucks do pigs drive?

A pig up truck

What kind of dog can you best see in the dark?

A glowberman pinscher!

What kind of music does a printer make?

A paper jam.

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

What kind of tableware do gym trainers use?

Pilates

What kind of pants do the Super Mario Bros. wear?

Denim denim denim.....

What kind of money do fishermen make?

Net profits!

What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone?

Shelfies.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

Sneakers

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

What kind of music do planets listen to?

Nep-tunes.

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

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Vitamin Jokes More Vitamin Jokes

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?

Vitamin bills!

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?

Jesus in a submarine.

What do you get when you mix batteries and water?

Watt-er

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

Why couldn't the American fly home from Russia after the Olympics?

Because he was Snow'den.

What do you call a turlte that flies?

A shellocopter. damn homies

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?

A jet setter!

What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep?

A sheep that can round itself up!

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

Why does Sia live in a low-rent apartment?

She loves cheap bills

Cruise Jokes More Cruise Jokes

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

What is Tom's favorite kind of joyride?

A cruise

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love?

It's a Moray.

What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels

Different Kind Jokes More Different Kind Jokes