Kind Jokes

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

Rated movies

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What kind of music does a mummy like?

W)rap music!

What kind of money do polar bears use?

Ice!

What kind of bees make the best milk?

Boo Bees!

What kind of bath can you take without water?

A sun bath.

What kind of beer does a cow brew?

Heifer-weizen.

What kind of jokestuff do farmers like?

Corny jokes.

What kind of toothpaste do MLG use?

Pretty much anything, just no Scope.

What kind of root is only easy to find on paper?

A square one.*

What kind of khakis do birds wear?

Khakaws!

What kind of money do monsters use?

Weirdo (weird dough).

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What kind of elephants live in Antartica?

Cold ones!

What kind of fish has two knees?

A tunee fish.

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

What kind of cat should you take into the desert?

A first aid kitty!

What kind of dog always needs a shave?

A bearded collie!

What kind of witch goes to the beach?

Sandwitch

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

What kind of dog is a person's best friend?

A palmatian!

What kind of dreams do dustmites have?

Mitemares

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What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?

Reality

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

What kind of floor do dinosaurs' bathrooms have?

Rep-tiles.

What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear?

Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim

What kind of apple isn't an apple?

A pineapple.

What kind of work does a weak cat do?

Light mouse work.

What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?

Grade eh

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

What kind of jokes do farmers tell?

CORNY JOKES!!!

What kind of eye disease do vampires get?

Dracular degeneration.

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What kind of people should you stay away from?

Trees. They're quite shady.

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?

Women!

What kind of chemical bond is Hispanic?

An Ester Bond

What's in your mom's tummy?

5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.

What kind of cats lay around the house?

Car-pets!

What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?

A Ducktor.

What kind of car trouble?

Me: "It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions?

A Humblebee.

What kind of money do snowmen use?

Iced lolly.

What kind of snake is good at building things?

A boa constructor.

What kind of story does a rabbit tell?

A fluffy tale.

How do you catch a one-of-a-kind rabbit?

Unique up on it. How do you catch a very calm rabbit The tame way.

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

What kind of wig can hear?

An earwig!

What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

What kind of birds do girls like?

My-cawk!

What kind of name is Joaquin?

It's not Russian

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shellfies!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

What kind of music can't Ed Sheeran play?

Soul

What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear?

Just a pair 'a normal pants.

What kind of shoes to frogs like?

Open toad sandals!

What kind of ants are very learned?

Pedants!

What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear?

Always.

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

What kind of olives do I like?

Olive them

What kind of whale flies?

Pilot whales!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

What kind of music do phones love to hear?

A symphony

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What kind of tree barks?

A dogwood!!

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

What kind of limes open doors?

Key limes.

What kind of books do fruit read?

Pulp Fiction

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

What kind of math do feminists study?

Triggernometry

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

What kind of CB Radio do seagulls use?

Squawky-talkies!

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

Rep Tiles

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What kind of ant can you colour with?

A crayant!

What kind of stories does Eli Whitney tell on Easter?

Cottontales

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico?

Baby cedar

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in?

A roundhouse.

What kind of patients?

All of them

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What kind of seagull flies over a bay?

A Bay-gull

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Soldier Jokes More Soldier Jokes

What do you call it when a soldier gets laid?

Tactical Insertion.* What do you call it when a COD player gets laid *Lies.*

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

Building Jokes More Building Jokes

Why did the console peasant cross the road?

To render buildings on the other side

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.

Tom Jokes More Tom Jokes

What is Tom's favorite kind of joyride?

A cruise

What's a bear's favorite fruit?

Tom (). Explanation: Bears are made up of atoms. Plug:

Different Kind Jokes More Different Kind Jokes

How many different kinds of crabs can you get in Baltimore?

Two, and often from the same person.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams?

A bvr

Vitamin Jokes More Vitamin Jokes

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.