Kind Jokes

What kind of stationary can't you defend yourself with?

A TACK

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What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

What kind of Asian dish takes away your freedoms?

Kung Pao Chicken

What kind of bars do lesbian Eskimos go to?

Klondike Bars

What kind of liquid does a pig's printer use?

Oink

What kinds of birds are raised by only their mothers?

Blackbirds

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

What kind of TV show do felines watch?

Catoons

What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children?

What kind of pickles does Miley Cyrus like in her relish?

Twerkins

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What kind of game are Americans worst at?

Tower defense.

What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?

Sad Dan

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS!...Polly want a cracker.

What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)

What kind of fish is the worst friend?

The Sel-Fish

What kind of dinosaur would Eminem be?

A veloci-rapper. What about Stalin? A Tyrant-a-saurus rex.

What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

Thug Lice.

What kind of investments do musicians make?

Sound investments.

What kind of parents are see-through?

Transparence!

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What kind of hotdog did the Buddha order from the street vendor?

One with everything

What kind of house does Fonzie live in?

An "A" frame...

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A boogati!

What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim...denim denim demin

What kind of money do they use on Superman's home planet?

Kryptocurrency

What kind of animal goes "LMAO"?

Hy-Ayy-nas

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim

What kind of nuts go on a carrot cake?

First time posting to.

What kind of phone does The Flash use?

Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

What kind of guns do bees use?

BeeBee guns

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What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

What kind of flour is independent?

Self-Raising flour.. I'll get my coat.

What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?

Anti-oppressants.

What kind of chili do they serve at the cannibal prison??

Chili CON Carne!

What kind of bird flies around bays?

Bagles

What kind of potato chips do dogs like best?

RUFFles

What kind of dog can turn on your car?

Yorkies

What kind of car does god drive?

A Christler

Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers?

Metro gnomes

What kind of vitamin does a pirate take?

Vitamin sea.

What kind of writing makes the most money?

Ransom notes.

What did Kris Kross tell the nervous paratrooper?

Tell her you're a paratrooper. Chicks dig that kind of thing.

What kind of Fuel does the Iron Giant run on?

Vin Diesel!

What kind of pie can fly?

A Magpie.

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

What kind of music do they play at Stonehenge?

Hard Rock.

What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

Lo mein.

What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

What kind of organisation is Atheism?

A non-prophet organisation.

What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

Smoked Muenster.

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies?

By the time they said "I'm not that kind of girl" they were.

How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?

They just have a feel for that kind of thing.

What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take?

Polaroids.

What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases?

An innertube.

What kind of cake does a baseball player prefer?

A bundt cake!

What kind of car does a pirate drive?

A Yarrrrrrrrris.

What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

High Steaks

What joke has sebadoh for a punch line?

A joke about what kind of dough does an Italian use to make seb bread, with really good delivery.

What kind of alcohol gets stuck in your head for days?

Red Red Wine!

What kind of Native American is Nikki Minaj?

Arapahoe.

What kind of degrees do slaves get in college?

Their Master's.

What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?

Rolls Rice

What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is?

It's a mystery.

What kind of rice puts you to sleep?

Ray Rice

What kind of boy is he?

A noughty one.

What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get?

A melon collie!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

What kind of movies do pirates watch?

ARRRR Rated Movies!

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What kind of room has no walls?

A mushroom!

What kind of pants do Bostonians wear?

Car Keys

What kind of water do you drink when the snow melts?

Spring water.

What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets?

Hush puppies

What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order?

One with everything

What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride?

An I-shoulda-pede.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality

What kind of melons always have big weddings?

Cantaloupe.

What kind of underwear do old people wear?

Depends.

What kind of bird does 2 Chainz own?

Toucan

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea

What kind of Dog does Homer Simpson have?

A DOH-berman!

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

What kind of a friar loves philosophy?

A deep friar.

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.

What kind of lizard can run the mafia?

The Iguanodon

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

Yours.

What kind of music does a factory worker listen to?

Industrial Metal

What kind of lotion does a bullfighter use?

Oil of Ole'

What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

HIP HOP

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

What kind of fruit tells the best jokes?

A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

Ruth-less.

What kind of peanuts get warts?

Planters.

What kind of nuts go on your feet?

Cashews.

What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom?

No sound at all, the D is silent

What kind of a shoe has a problem?

An issue.

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Soldier Jokes More Soldier Jokes

What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?

IUD

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?

A seasoned veteran

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you?

Because he was born in a barn.

Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?

Because he kept getting nailed to the boards.

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

What kind of eel is this?

Diner at the sushi restaurant: "What kind of eel is this?" Waiter: "Do you love it?" Diner: "yeah" Waiter: "Then, that's a moray"

How do eels get around the seabed?

They go by octobus.

Mickey Mouse Jokes More Mickey Mouse Jokes

What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse?

The hell out of there.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

Baltimore Jokes More Baltimore Jokes

What do you call a riot in Baltimore?

Target practice.

What is the worst city to be a cop in?

Baltimore, I hear it's backbreaking work.

Gold Jokes More Gold Jokes

What would gold say if it could talk?

A-U":

Where do frogs keep their treasure?

In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Waiter Jokes More Waiter Jokes

What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?

Waiter: Probably learning to read.

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

How does Winnie the Pooh open his honey pot?

With his bear hands. Thank the Chive for that one.