Kind Jokes

What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?

Windshield vipers.

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What kind of tumors do tough guys get?

Heman-giomas

What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

Garden hose.

What kind of pizza do pilots like?

Plain.

What kind of pictures do hermit crabs take?

Shellfies

What kind of television do horses like?

Saddle-lite TV

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog!

What kind of snake is good at math?

An adder.

What kind of fish will help you hear better?

A herring aid!

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

What kind of apple has a short temper?

A crab apple.

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What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

What kind of wine does Bruce Lee pair with a fish dinner?

None, he just has some WATAH!

What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

An inj-oink-tion.

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist.

What kind of fish is made from two sodium atoms?

A 2na

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

A cantaloupe.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

A mouse organ!

What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?

Reptiles!

Whats a yoga instructors favourite kind of coffee?

Pilatte

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What kind of shoe does Mr. T wear?

T-shoes!

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

A dead one...

What kind of tree grows in your hand?

A palm tree.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman.

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

Underlay! Underlay!

What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks

What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

Mussel cars.

What kind of boats do smart people ride on?

Scholar ships!

What kind of bird opens doors?

A kiwi!

What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?

The cast-a-net.

What kind of sweets do trucks like?

Lorrypops.

What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

AbDUCT tape

What kind of math do owls like?

Owlgebra.

What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?

Shorts!

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

The Leprenomichaun.

What kind of people are always in a damn hurry?

Russians

What kind of money does Mario use?

8-bitcoins

What kind of sharks make good carpenters?

Hammerheads!

What kind of fun does a priest have?

Nun.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What kind of bar do fish go to?

A sand bar.

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy hair.

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

Anything with curry in it.

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

A super-fish-oil wound

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals...

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

What kind of dog is the most colorful?

A paint Bernard!

What kind of jokes do filipinos make?

Punny ones

What kind of flower grows on your face?

Tulips.

What kind of stretches does a pencil do?

Ticondeyoga

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear?

An algebra

What kind of medicine do bears take?

Bayer Asprin

What kind of code does a volcano use to make its website?

HTMelt

What kind of ring is the least exciting?

A BOring

What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen?

A viper!

What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer?

The ones with Jam in

What kind of bee can never be understood?

A mumble-bee.

What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?

Carrion.

What kind of music do you like?

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

What kind of currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

What kind of goat did Houdini have?

A scapegoat.

What kind of money do religious businesses make?

Prophet.

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?

A Perch!

What kind of ears do trains have?

Engineers (engine ears).

What kind of street does a ghost like best?

A dead end.

What kind of pizza does Buddha like?

One with everything.

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?

Jail-birds!

What kind of shark is always drunk?

A hammeredhead

What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?

Purranks.

What kind of car drives over water?

Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

What kind of ears do pumpers have?

A. Engineers.

What kind of overalls does Super Mario wear?

Denim denim denim...

What kind of furniture do pigs like best?

Overstuffed.

What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

Muay Thai

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

What kind of memes do Germans like?

Danke memes

Who's there! Chloe! Chloe who?

Chloe's Encounters of the Third Kind!

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)

What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times?

A dell

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

As told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

What kind of ant is good at maths?

An accountant!

What kind of baseball do burgers play?

Ketchup baseball!

What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

AAA

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

Camembert!

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Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?

It's driving me nuts!

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

What's the difference between spider man and Superman?

Peter Parker can shoot webs. Clark Kent.

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

Why did the bullet stay home?

Because it got fired!

What does its job only after its been fired?

A bullet.

Building Jokes More Building Jokes

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.

Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?

The elevator men are on strike!

Bridge Jokes More Bridge Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the bridge?

To get away from the Turkey coop.

What do you get if you cross a river with a bridge?

To the other side.

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

Where is the water main?

So I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What would Jesus say if you angered him?

I'm Crossed.

Why doesn't Jesus like M&ampM's?

Because they fall through his hands.

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building?

It's a long story.

How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?

Because they built their stuff with reads!