Kind Jokes

What kind of pizza does Lil Wayne like?

Little seizures.

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What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

What kind of fish is funny, beautiful and a good role model for young women?

Tuna Fey.

What kind of bike does hipster Jesus ride?

A Cruci-fixie.

What kind of bear likes the rain?

A drizzley bear.

What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim.

What is a math teacher's favorite kind of toilet paper?

The kind that has multi ply's.

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

A salad-manager

What kind of triangle jokes can never be made right?

Ones with an obtuse angle.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?

An algae bra.

What kind of computer sings?

A Dell

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What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

None, they go commando.

What kind of pants do the Mario Brothers wear?

Denim denim denim.

What kind of bear dissolves in water?

A polar bear.

What kind of fish would you want to go to bed with?

A cuddlefish! (corny I know)

What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?

A line of marathon runners

What kind of dance does your mother do?

The MOMbo.

What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

Wooden shoe like me to tell you. Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one

What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

Mainly SMALL ARMS.

What kind of tea does a house drink?

Propertea

What kind of skin lotion do acrobats use?

Cirque d'Olay

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What kind of fish does Google have in their lobby?

Bettas

What kind of pants does Mario wear to work?

Denim denim denim p

What kind of fabric does Mario use?

Denim denim denim.

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

What kind of bird always sticks together?

A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:

What do sea mammals say when something happens against their kind?

Oh, the huge-manatee

Which kind of shark is also the saddest dog?

The porbeagle.

What kind of jean's do Mario prefer?

Denim Denim Denim.

What kind of workout does Bob the electrician do?

Circuit training.

What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone!

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What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear?

Camembert!

What kind of tree would have the best bark?

Dogwood. Don't you dare judge me, it was on my popsicle stick.

What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon!

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?

A URLologist.

What kind of robbery is not dangerous?

A safe robbery.

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog!

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use?

Arab spring

What kind of modeling clay does a dog use?

Fi-Do!

What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?

An amoeboo!

What kind of government does Disney World have?

A plutocracy

What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read?

One with a cemetery plot.

What kind of bee can't be understood?

A mumble bee!

What kind of jackets do Audiophiles wear?

FLAC jackets

What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?

Windshield vipers.

What kind of tumors do tough guys get?

Heman-giomas

What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

Garden hose.

What kind of jacket would Michael J. Fox wear if he was black?

OC A parka, son.

What kind of pizza do pilots like?

Plain.

What kind of pictures do hermit crabs take?

Shellfies

What kind of television do horses like?

Saddle-lite TV

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog!

What kind of snake is good at math?

An adder.

What kind of fish will help you hear better?

A herring aid!

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

What kind of apple has a short temper?

A crab apple.

What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

What kind of wine does Bruce Lee pair with a fish dinner?

None, he just has some WATAH!

What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

An inj-oink-tion.

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist.

What kind of fish is made from two sodium atoms?

A 2na

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

A cantaloupe.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

A mouse organ!

What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?

Reptiles!

Whats a yoga instructors favourite kind of coffee?

Pilatte

What kind of shoe does Mr. T wear?

T-shoes!

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

A dead one...

What kind of tree grows in your hand?

A palm tree.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman.

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

Underlay! Underlay!

What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks

What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

Mussel cars.

What kind of boats do smart people ride on?

Scholar ships!

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

What kind of bird opens doors?

A kiwi!

What kind of bikes do girls ride?

Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)

What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?

The cast-a-net.

What kind of sweets do trucks like?

Lorrypops.

What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

AbDUCT tape

What kind of math do owls like?

Second Caribou: Owlgebra.

What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?

Shorts!

What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?

2 large planes

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

The Leprenomichaun.

What kind of people are always in a damn hurry?

Russians

What kind of money does Mario use?

8-bitcoins

What kind of sharks make good carpenters?

Hammerheads!

What kind of fun does a priest have?

Nun.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What kind of bar do fish go to?

A sand bar.

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy hair.

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

Anything with curry in it.

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

A super-fish-oil wound

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Bagel Jokes More Bagel Jokes

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, then they'd be called bagels!

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What would Jesus actually do?

Probably ban nail guns

What kind of music did Jesus hate?

Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails.

Hodor Jokes More Hodor Jokes

What do you say if you want someone to hold the lift?

Ans: Hodor

How do you enter a brothel in Westeros?

Through the Hodor!

Vitamin Jokes More Vitamin Jokes

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?

Vitamin bills!

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

Tom Jokes More Tom Jokes

What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger?

Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field.

What do you call a peeping Tom cat?

A Purrr-vert.

Mickey Mouse Jokes More Mickey Mouse Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?

Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

Toilet Paper Jokes More Toilet Paper Jokes

Why did the toilet paper stop crossing the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.