Kind Jokes

What kind of girl does a hamburger like?

Any girl named Patty!

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What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

A "casual tea"

What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

Tuna (2Na).

What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?

A short one!

What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have?

A fastball - a sizzler.

What kind of bears don't have teeth?

Gummi bears.)

What kind of bone do you find in a dinosaur steak?

A T-Bone!!!!

What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right... the tuna fish!

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original) A Porcupine!

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What kind of cereal do you find in a haunted house?

Cinnamon Ghost Crunch

What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?

A LOCOmotive.

What kind of music does your mailman like?

Postrock/Postpunk

What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.

What kind of dough do Hobbit bakers use?

Frodough.

What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?

Fry-by-night!

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits.

What kind of type face does a pachyderm use?

Ele-font

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?

Sow-r dough bread.

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What kind of footwear do Whitewalkers use?

The Hodor-eliminating kind.

What kind of fence goes on strike?

A picket fence.

What kind of Pop do you cook with?

Baking Soda

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie.

What kind of gun does a firefighter have?

A water gun.

What kind of bee can never make up its mind?

A maybe

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

Hip-pop.

What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?

Buck teeth!

What kind of dance do buns do?

Abundance.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

What kind of house is easiest to pick up?

A light house.

What kind of soap do you use to clean a dirty joke?

Bawdy wash.

What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?

An aero-drone!

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

Lap-top!

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

Rated movies

What kind of music does a mummy like?

W)rap music!

What kind of money do polar bears use?

Ice!

What kind of bees make the best milk?

Boo Bees!

What kind of bath can you take without water?

A sun bath.

What kind of beer does a cow brew?

Heifer-weizen.

What kind of jokes do farmers like?

Corny jokes.

What kind of toothpaste do MLG use?

Pretty much anything, just no Scope.

What kind of root is only easy to find on paper?

A square one.*

What kind of khakis do birds wear?

Khakaws!

What kind of money do monsters use?

Weirdo (weird dough).

What kind of elephants live in Antartica?

Cold ones!

What kind of fish has two knees?

A tunee fish.

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

What kind of cat should you take into the desert?

A first aid kitty!

What kind of dog always needs a shave?

A bearded collie!

What kind of witch goes to the beach?

Sandwitch

What kind of ships can't go in salt water?

Snail-boats

What kind of dreams do dustmites have?

Mitemares

What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?

Reality

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

What kind of floor do dinosaurs' bathrooms have?

Rep-tiles.

What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear?

Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim

What kind of apple isn't an apple?

A pineapple.

What kind of work does a weak cat do?

Light mouse work.

What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?

Grade eh

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

What kind of jokes do farmers tell?

CORNY JOKES!!!

What kind of eye disease do vampires get?

Dracular degeneration.

What kind of people should you stay away from?

Trees. They're quite shady.

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?

Women!

What's in your mom's tummy?

5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.

What kind of cats lay around the house?

Car-pets!

What kind of mouse walks on two legs?

Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?

A Ducktor.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions?

A Humblebee.

What kind of money do snowmen use?

Iced lolly.

What kind of snake is good at building things?

A boa constructor.

What kind of story does a rabbit tell?

A fluffy tale.

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

What kind of wig can hear?

An earwig!

What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

What kind of name is Joaquin?

It's not Russian

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shellfies!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

What kind of music can't Ed Sheeran play?

Soul

What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear?

Just a pair 'a normal pants.

What kind of shoes to frogs like?

Open toad sandals!

What kind of ants are very learned?

Pedants!

What kind of people have the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers. Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

What kind of dinosaur writes poetry?

A Bronte-saurus.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

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Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and green?

A skunk rolling down a hill with a pickle in its mouth.

Baltimore Jokes More Baltimore Jokes

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?

Old Bae

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?

Matt

Eel Jokes More Eel Jokes

What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love?

It's a Moray.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

Why do moths fly with their legs apart?

Have you ever seen the size of moth balls

Building Jokes More Building Jokes

Why did the console peasant cross the road?

To render buildings on the other side

What dog can jump higher than a building?

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

Tom Jokes More Tom Jokes

Who ate those tomatoes?

Tom ate those.

What do you call an Eskimo peeping tom?

Tukaluk

Vitamin Jokes More Vitamin Jokes

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?

Vitamin bills!