Catch Jokes

What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire?

I'm getting the fudge outta here!

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What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

Why did Samsung make the Galaxy Note 7 waterproof?

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

What do you call a women that catches fish?

Annette

How do you catch an orange elephant?

I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant.

What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

Why was the baker happy when his pie caught fire in the oven?

He was a pieromaniac.

What sort of net is useless for catching fish?

A football net!

Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

Holy smoke!

Why Yao-Ming tries to catch Pikachu?

He's from Team Rocket

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How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?

Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

How do you catch a dyslexic fish?

Ya get it Hooked on Phonics!

What was the man running around?

From my 5yr old son Because he wanted to catch some sleep.

What's the best thing a midget can catch?

Air.

What's the best way to catch a fish?

Have someone throw it at you.

Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?

To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?

Fished but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

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How do you catch a Swedish fish?

With a gummy worm as bait

How did you know that the janitors were dating?

They were caught sweeping together.

Why did the 25 year old cross the street?

To catch a charmander.

What did one tomato say to the other?

Catch up.

What do you call an Eagle who can't catch its prey?

Talontless.

Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?

Catch.

Why was the man arrested at the farmers' market?

He was caught taking a leek.

What do The Police do to catch criminals easily?

Sting operation, of course!

What did Batman say to the joker when he finally caught him?

Gotham

What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?

Mennonitis!

How did the Egyptian go broke?

He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.

What did the left tower say to the right tower?

I gotta catch a plane

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?

A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

How do you catch a click?

Clickbait

Why was the tired criminal delighted when he was caught by the police?

Because he needed *arrest*!!!

Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?

He knows a little ham goes a long way.

How did the musician catch his fish?

He castanet

How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear?

It was a brief chase...

What Pokémon would you catch in Antarctica?

Freezing.

Why are colds such bad robbers?

Because they're so easy to catch!

How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Until he gets caught.

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?

He was caught poaching.

Why did the light turn red?

You would too if you were caught changing in the middle of the street!

What did Mulan's grumpy elderly friends say when they caught her with Li Shang?

Get off Mu-lan!!!

What did the caught fish say to the fisherman in the net?

Well man it's been reel.

What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work?

I'll catch you later!

What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?

I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)

How do you catch a WiFi?

With an ethernet!

Where do they send trickster tuna when they catch them?

A Tuna Chi-Cannery

Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

He was caught counting carbs.

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

Which song would an exception sing?

Can't catch me - Avicii

Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

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Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

Who is the most musical Canadian heroine?

Laura C-Chord.

Cod Jokes More Cod Jokes

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

There is no cod

Pot Roast Jokes More Pot Roast Jokes

What do you call it when two high people get in an argument?

A pot roast.

Plane Jokes More Plane Jokes

Why did the flight from Warsaw to Moscow crash?

There were Poles on the right half of the plane.

How far can this plane go with just one engine?

All the way to the crash site!

Jamal Jokes More Jamal Jokes

What did Jamal get for Christmas?

Your Bike

Why is the Ferguson Police Department a fan of Pokemon?

Because you gotta catch Jamal

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What did the witch say when her position was terminated?

You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?

Paint an endzone on it.

What paint is most popular in modern buildings?

Microsoft Paint

Aboot Jokes More Aboot Jokes

What's a Canadian's favorite footwear?

Aboot

Why do Canadians say aboot?

Because there is too much snow to wear shoes.