You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes.
Moussaka
One kid in three trash cans
People without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids
Because there was a 50% chance of rain
Storms off w/ his son, Kegger
Because they always turn out in-bread.
I dunno. Ask the kids.
Baby cedar
Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet They think I'm pee!
To give their kids a wide birth.
Zoolander
Please answer before my wife gets home!
Gloves... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it Not Michael
Names.
Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill.
T: How's my kid doing in school I hate parrot teacher conferences
Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.
Just kidding, I ran over it.
I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."
When your kid sleeps in between.
Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch
They don't like their vegetables.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.
Toyodas
His mother told him to hit the hay.
Me: You really aren't my kid are you
Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast
Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift
Kid: My dad He's an actor Me: Why Couldn't you get a real dad
KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods
Kid: At the Joke shop.
Because he was a bear a-singing...... I am at Disney with the kids this week...
Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant
I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.
Arrr son!
He wanted to be cool.
Bison
You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!
Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
Moo. As told by my kid this morning.
Sounds like he had already done the... time
A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!!
2nd base.
Michael Jackson
Let's go ride bikes!
Because it was rated arrr!
To get to the other slide.
So time would fly.
Vehicular man's laughter
You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti No (This is a joke I wrote a loooonnngg time ago, tell me what you think.)
Decomposing.
He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.
Because they are feeling the Bern.
A buccaneer!
A buccaneer
A Park-itect
They hog the Schwing set.
His mom was in a jam!
Mom and Dad.
On a scale from one to ten, urinate.
Because they have their own scales!
I glove you.
A fruit punch.
