You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes.
Moussaka
One kid in three trash cans
People without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids
Because there was a 50% chance of rain
Storms off w/ his son, Kegger
Because they always turn out in-bread.
I dunno. Ask the kids.
Baby cedar
Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet They think I'm pee!
To give their kids a wide birth.
Zoolander
Please answer before my wife gets home!
Gloves... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it Not Michael
Names.
Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill.
T: How's my kid doing in school I hate parrot teacher conferences
Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.
Just kidding, I ran over it.
I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."
When your kid sleeps in between.
Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch
They don't like their vegetables.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.
Toyodas
His mother told him to hit the hay.
Me: You really aren't my kid are you
Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast
Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift
Kid: My dad He's an actor Me: Why Couldn't you get a real dad
KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods
Kid: At the Joke shop.
Because he was a bear a-singing...... I am at Disney with the kids this week...
Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant
I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.
Arrr son!
He wanted to be cool.
Bison
You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!
Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
Moo. As told by my kid this morning.
Sounds like he had already done the... time
A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!!
2nd base.
Michael Jackson
Let's go ride bikes!
Because it was rated arrr!
To get to the other slide.
So time would fly.
A buccaneer!
A buccaneer
After thinking for a few moments I say "Carefully"
Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in English. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.
Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether
Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.
Mrs Claus.
He "sleighs" them.
Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure
PEEr pressure!
I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.
Michael J Fox opening a can of coke
This thread has been locked. You will unable to vote or comment.
This thread
A runner in scoring position.
I've cleaned up and found Jesus.
