Bread Jokes

How does Tolkien make his bread?

With Frodough.

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How do you make a rave party in Africa?

You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.

What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?

Heh, disguised toast.

What did the oven tell the slice of bread?

You're!

How do they package bread at the bakery?

They baguette.

Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made out of pasta?

Made out of bread was taken.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

What do you call bread so burnt it can never be ate?

Comatoast

What did one loaf of bread say to the other?

Weirdo.

Why are bakeries always so depressing?

They're bread inside.

Why does bread not have eyebrows?

Because it's bread.

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What is Jesus' favorite video game on earth?

I am bread.

What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend?

I just need some bread

How can you tell if a loaf of bread is a boy or girl?

Feel around for the dough nuts

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread! Now he's toast

Why did the airplane crash into the building?

BECAUSE THE PILOT WAS A LOAF OF BREAD!

Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread?

The middle yeast

Why did the plane crash into the mountain?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

Why did the plane crash into the ocean?

The pilot was a loaf of bread

What service do you get if you sleep in a bakery?

Bread and Bakedfast!

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What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

It e-loaf-es!

Why did the grain call his sister "momma"?

Because he was in bread!

What do you call a baby seal between two slices of bread?

A clubbed sandwich

What is the most racist type of bread?

A biguette

What do you call a bread that catches a cold?

Flu-catcher bread

Why did the German baker claim on his insurance at Christmas?

Because his bread was stollen!!!

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

You tape bread to the ceiling.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

What does a pickle use to make bread?

Dill Dough.

What do you call breads ability to smell?

Naan sense!

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What does a sandwich filling share in common with Joffrey Lannister?

They are both in bread.

What do you call a baker who doesn't make bread?

I don't dough!

What does Justin Bieber and jam have in common?

They're both in bread

Why did the airplane crash?

The pilot was a loaf of bread.

What's Ja Rule's favorite type of bread?

Challah!

What do you get when you plant a loaf of bread?

A bakery.

What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole!

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

Who's there! Buddha! Buddha who?

Buddha this slice of bread for me!

What looks just like half a loaf of bread?

Its other half.

What did the bread do after it had been oppressed for many years?

Rye-ot

What do you get when you cross a loaf of bread with a buffalo?

A buffaloaf.

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

A sandwich

What's so lame about a duck President?

Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

Why did the airplane fall out of the sky?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

What do you put in a toaster?

I usually put bread in a toaster.

What do you call a loaf of bread when you cut off both ends?

Endless Bread!

What do giants and strippers have in common?

They both grind on bones to make their bread.

Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of Pasta?

Because "made of bread" was already taken by Jesus.

What do you call bread from heaven?

100% holy grain

What's the fastest form of bread?

Scone.

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?

Sow-r dough bread.

What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess?

It's stale, mate.

What did one piece of bread say to the sad piece of bread?

Its going to be all rye.

Why did the baker bake more bread?

He kneaded the dough.

Why do cows from the south make the best sandwiches?

Because they are in bread.

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

What's the craziest type of bread?

Banana Nut Bread!

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

Why were the sandwich fillers eyes too close together?

Because he was in-bread.

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time a rye-ot

What is it called when there is bread all over the place?

An abundance

What do you call a loaf baked in a zoo?

Bread in captivity.

Why do sandwiches never have kids?

Because they always turn out in-bread.

What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?

I'M BREADY TO DIE

What did the toaster say to the bread?

I want you inside me.

What's baked everyday and sells itself?

Bread

What do get when you mix two breads?

A hy-bread

What do you call bread baked in the south?

Inbred

Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread?

It was a crusty steed!

How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

When is a bread not kneaded?

When it's unnecessary

Why did the pilot crash the plane?

Because he was a slice of bread

What do you call jokes about bread?

Buns

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What noise does a ceiling fan make?

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What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

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He was caught taking Polaroids.

What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes?

HOLY MACKAREL!

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His vision was based on movements.

How do people usually feel after touching an electric fence?

Shocked.

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Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time a rye-ot

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Why didn't Peter Jackson cast any black actors in The Lord of the Rings?

He was afraid they wouldn't be taken on their merits, that they'd just be seen as Tolkien blacks.

What did the LOTR fan say to the LOTR hater?

What are you Tolkien about...

Eyebrow Jokes More Eyebrow Jokes

Why does bread not have eyebrows?

Because it's bread.

What did one eyebrow say to the other?

H-eyebrow