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Room Jokes

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible

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How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?

Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it

What room is it?

When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?

Why did the teacher cross the room?

To get to the other slide.

How do you tell the difference between Al Gore and the secret service when they're in the same room?

Al Gore's the stiff one.

What kind of room doesn't have any doors/windows inside?

A mushroom.

How many babies does it take to paint a room?

Depends how hard you can throw them.

Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?

Air Conditioning

What do you get when you keep two Lannisters in the same room for a bit?

3 Lannisters.

How do you depress a room full of geeks?

Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!

How did the elephant get into the room?

We don't talk about it...

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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Why do sailors drink so much?

We sleep better when the room is moving

What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?

No room

What room is missing from almost every house?

A Mushroom

Why did Sweden change their immigration politics?

Because their Zoos ran out of room.

What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?

Close the door and go to.

How does a Mexican wrestler enter a room?

Through the Lucha-door.

What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room?

An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral.

How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb.

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.

What's a room full of saurkraut?

Over-krauted.

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What do you use to check your cell from across the room?

A telephono lens.

How do you know who in the room is a vegetarian?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.

What kind of room has no walls?

A mushroom!

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

What do you have in a room full of tweakers?

A full set of teeth.

Who is missing an egg?

There are 27 people in the room but on 53 eggs, you know what that means, someone is missing an egg.

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV?

The Patriots

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What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

What do you get when you move 32 Texans into the same room?

A full set of teeth

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room?

Sorry this is only a four star hotel.

Why does a VC always enter a room backwards?

To keep an eye on the exit

How many ninjas are in this room?

As many as want to be!

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

What do you call 16 white girls in a room?

One whole Cherokee

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What room does a ghost not need?

A living room

What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?

A dog who can lick himself from across the room

What's worse than finding a sack of spider eggs in your room?

Finding a sack of hatched spider eggs in your room

Why is a room full of married people empty?

There isn't a single person in it.

Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon?

Because it was full.

How can you tell if there is a pilot in the room?

He will tell you.

Where do you go in the room when you're cold?

The corner, it's 90 degrees.

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

Why does Poesche keep their engines in the back?

To leave more room for Paul Walker in the Front..

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

What do you give an elephant with big feet?

Plenty of room!

How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, the room is already lit.

How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning.

What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?

A full set of teeth

Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

So she could use it as a mirror.

What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?

A superior being.

Why weren't the eggplants allowed into the mushroom party?

Because there wasn't much room and they aren't fun guys.

How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts?

LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!

What do you call a room full of psychics?

A scam!

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a Senate's bill gets 69 votes?

I bet he has to leave the room.

Why is it warmer near the corners of a room?

Cause they're at 90 degrees.

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

How many dwarves does it take to paint a room red?

It depends how hard you throw then against the wall.

What's the hottest part of a room?

The corner, it's 90 degrees.

What has dual airbags and has lots of room?

The White House.

What was it like?

Me: What was what like 10: Being alive in the 1900's Me: Go to your room.

What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room?

A full set of teeth.

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Who the hell does that in a sock?

Squishes out of the room*

How many times I have to tell you to stop making such a mess?

Go to your room..

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

How's my baby girl?

Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much

What did one Mexican say to the other Mexican when there were no room in the van?

Yo no space.

What room is a ghost scared of?

The living room(haha get it)

Why is it called a living room?

Don't we live in every room

Why did the prophylactic fly across the room?

It was peed off.

What do you call two witches who share a room?

Broom-mates.

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

What's do pot and pusssy have in common?

You can tell the quality if you can smell it across the room.

How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?

He's the stiff one.

What do you get with a room full of 32 Alabamans?

A full set of teeth

What's the difference between Here and There?

When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."

How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Why are Republicans so easy to point out?

They're usually the elephant in the room

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

Why Russians never drive stick shift?

They really hate Stalin

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What did she say about me?

Friend: She said you ask too many questions Me: She said that Too many questions Really Me...What else

Why did the cyclops close his school?

Because he only had one pupil! The joke is that I have no friends

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

Nationality Jokes More Nationality Jokes

What nationality is not quite one?

Swedish

What's his nationality?

He's a Babylonian.

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why was the black man arrested?

Good question.

What do you call a white man surrounded by black men?

Coach

Sack Jokes More Sack Jokes

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?

Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.

Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime?

He wanted to have some stage presents.

Mushroom Jokes More Mushroom Jokes

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 in stem?

A fungi to hang out with

How do you get Cream of Mushroom in Pokemon?

Put 2 Amoonguss' in the daycare.

American Jokes More American Jokes

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.