Sheep Jokes

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!

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What do you call the offspring of a sheep and a gorilla?

HaRAMbe

What did one sheep say to the other?

Hey look, we have the same IPhone case

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep. Why do elephants have trunks? Sheep don't have strings.

What do you call sheep in the Middle East?

Arak of lamb

Why does ISIS like sheep?

Is-Lamb!

What do you get if you combine a sheep and a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

What did the sheep say to the farmers crop?

This is baaaad.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

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What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?

You herd me!

How did the sheep get a Nobel Prize?

It was out standing in its field!

What do you call a sheep taking Ambien?

Shleepy!

Why did the drunk guy call the sheep Legolas?

Because it was a cloud

What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like?

A baaahhhd movie. ()

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

Banned from the petting zoo...

Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V?

Because Dey-go-bah.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?

Bedlam

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a robot?

Steel wool

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What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?

I am not a crook!

What do you call a big cat disguised to blend in with a herd of sheep?

A sheopard.

How does a sheep farmer find a sheep on top of the mountain?

Acceptable

What Do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a Sheep?

A WOOLY JUMPER

How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?

They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.

What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?

Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)

Why does Yoda like sheep?

Because dey go baa...

What do the Welsh call a sheep when it's tied to a lamp post?

The leisure centre.

What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep?

I herd that!

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.

What does a sheep say after walking into a disgusting, dirty bar?

Ew.

What does a sheep in denial say?

Nahhhh

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?

A Merry Christmas to ewe

What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff?

Baa-Dum-Sss

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

Why couldn't the spotty cat chase the sheep?

Because her Mum wouldn't leopard be a shepherd

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep?

A sheep that can round itself up!

How do sheep divide candy?

They all get their fair shear

What did the sheep say when he saw his girlfriend?

Baaaaaeeeee!

How do sheep sign their e-mails?

Ewes sincerely.

What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells?

I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

How do you milk sheep?

With iPhone accessories.

How do you milk a sheep?

With iPhone periph**e**rals.

What did the sheep at the fraternity say?

Braaaaaaaah

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

A chocolate BAAA

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort?

The Baaahaaamaaas!

Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?

Because at any moment they could bleet out

What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?

I herd that.

What would Vincent Van Gogh be if he was a sheep?

Lamb Gogh

What time zone are you in when you find a sheep stuck in a fence?

Mountin' time

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?

They saw what happened to the sheep

What do you hear when a sheep blows up?

Sis boom baa Carnac

Why did the sheep move house?

The neighbours were baaastsrds.

Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?

A. "Because sheep would be too obvious"

What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle?

I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!

What rating did Moody's give to the sheep?

BAAA

What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?

A sheep.

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

Why are the sheep in Africa coloured pink?

The elephants are using them as tampons

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?

A bah-humbug.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

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What would New Zealand be called if it had a fascist government?

Not Zealand.

What do you call a shorn sheep in a New Zealand bar?

A skimpy.

Sia Jokes More Sia Jokes

What did one Pop star say to the other?

Sia, Later!

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

Self Jokes More Self Jokes

How does a ghost defend its self?

Kung Boo

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots. (I'll see my self out.)

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What is twitter?

3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pit bull.

Inventory Jokes More Inventory Jokes

What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer?

Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

What goes HO HO HO thud?

Santa laughing his head off. What goes HO HO HO A Pimp taking inventory.

Tampon Jokes More Tampon Jokes

What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep. Why do elephants have trunks? Sheep don't have strings.

Why do tampons have strings?

So you can floss your teeth with them after you've used them.

Trunk Jokes More Trunk Jokes

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves. I should go back to studying now. K bye.

What's making all that noise in your trunk?

Me- My feelings. I'm trying to dispose of them properly.

Wedding Jokes More Wedding Jokes

What's the best moment of your life?

Me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding

What does a Polish groom give his bride for their wedding that is long and hard?

A new last name.