Chinese Jokes

What font does a beef noodle stall use?

Times Niurou Mian (Niurou Mian = beef noodles in Chinese)

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What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese phone. Wing wing, hallo?

What does a noise musician order at a Chinese restaurant?

Peaking duck!

Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

What Is a Chinese persons favorite holiday?

Chinko De Mayo

How Long is a Chinese man?

Its his name.

What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?

All are equally oxymoronic.

Why is it so difficult to call Chinese people?

There's so many wings it's easy to wing the wong number.

What does Waka flocka order at a Chinese restaurant?

BAO BAO BAO BAO

What are Jehovah witnesses called in Chinese?

Dind Dong

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching

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Who is a Chinese feminist's least favorite Winnie the Pooh character?

Trigger.

What is the name of one of the Chinese gymnasts competing at the Rio Olympics?

Wai Tu Yung

Who's the fastest runner in the Chinese olympic team?

Mr. Do Ping

What did the doctor say when a Chinese baby with down syndrome was born?

Congratulations, you have a healthy new baby!

What do you call a Chinese millionaire?

Cha Ching

What did the doctor say when he delivered a blonde-haired baby to an expecting Chinese couple?

Two Wongs don't make a white

What is the least favorite food place of the Chinese?

Nanking Donuts

What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?

Oven mitts.

What's the difference between Wright and Rong?

Wright yells, "Objection!' Rong is your typical Chinese man.

How do Chinese people say "hello" in Spanish?

Hola.

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How do I turn my new girlfriend on?

She's a robot and the instructions are in Chinese.

What do you call a dog in a sub?

A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!

How do Chinese people know what to name their children?

After the last dog they just ate.

What Chinese name means 'wolf'?

Hau Ling.

What's the difference between racism and Chinese?

Racism has many faces

What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

What's thr difference between the Chinese and racism?

Racism has many faces.

What do you call a Chinese conga line?

A Chu Chu train

What did the geologist say at the Chinese restaurant?

May I have Eurasian plate?

How do the Chinese name their kids?

They throw silverware down the stairs.

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What's the best part of Chinese food?

The 4/10 cookie

What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted?

Make it Tso's Number One.

What did the manager say to his new Chinese intern?

How, are you?

What do you call a Chinese baby in the oven?

A 2nd born.

How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

Press pray.

How do Chinese name their kids?

They throw silverware on the ground!

What do you call a Chinese cameraman?

Phil Ming

What is a Chinese person's favorite wound?

Bruise Lee.

What a Chinese Restaurant Owner's Preferred License Plate?

888 MSG

How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown?

Eh... It's tso-tso.

What do Chinese people call Chinese food?

Food.

What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke

Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

Why couldn't the Chinese herpetologist see out his car window?

Because it was too froggy outside.

What's a Chinese fisherman's least favorite part of living in Hollywood?

Pilot season

What Journey song to Chinese people sing at funerals?

Don't Stop Bereavin'

What do you call a friendly Chinese man who gives out free firewood?

Kind Ling

What do you call a Chinese duo that plays ping pong?

Ping Pong

Why did the Chinese man tell a joke?

Just China be funny.

What did the Chinese guy say to the mongoose?

Bing fwong dong 9/11

What do you call a Chinese fly with no wings?

A wok.

What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?

Infant children.

Who was the most active of the Chinese khanes?

Ginseng khan I am in a silly mood. Have a good day

What do Chinese lumberjacks do?

Chopsticks

What do you call a Chinese Podiatrist?

Hee Lan To

What do you call the definitive book on Chinese culture?

The Hanbook

What part of your punctuality emancipates the Chinese?

Your Ti"ming"!

What happens in a Chinese restaurant when the power goes out?

It'll dim sum

What did the baby order at the Chinese restaurant?

Goo goo gai pan!

What did the little Chinese boy get for Christmas?

Rice.

How do Chinese people name their childre n?

They throw a toaster down the stairs.

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

What did the perverted sauce say to the Chinese Ribs?

I'm only Peking.

What do you call a rich Chinese?

Cha-Ching

What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?

Ricesis

Why were the Chinese trying to light a bbq grill out in the rain?

Because it was raining cats and dogs.

Why are there no casinos in China?

Because the Chinese don't like Tibet...

What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

Lo mein.

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing?

Lmao

Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

Because it's too much wok! Sorry, I just made that up!

Why did a Chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

To get laid.

What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

Dim Sum.

What did the Chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes?

I have no Idea.

What do you call it when all the Chinese places in town start to close?

Wonton endangerment.

What's a Chinese chicken's favorite vegetable?

Buock choi

Why is it never a good idea to use a Chinese phone book?

There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might wing a wong number.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the B shu!

What did the Chinese guy tell the police when he was caught?

You got the Wong guy.

What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

A clothes hanger.

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

What do you call a kid who's dad is Jamaican and mom is Chinese?

Rastafriedrice

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

What do you call a rich Chinese person?

Cha ching

What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat?

A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

What did the Chinese pirate say?

Awwlllll!

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What did the Chinese man say when Winter came around?

Reddit snow, reddit snow, reddit snow!

Why did the pregnant Chinese chicken cross the road?

Because ah, the egg roll.

Whats the difference between Chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

How do the Chinese select their baby names?

They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang

What are you up to?

Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.

What is a Chinese pirate an expert at?

Flying a plane.

What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat?

Http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/whatdidthedrunkenirishmansaytothechinese/

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

How Long can a Chinese name be?

Yoda

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Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What's a cannibal's favourite type of food?

Finger food!

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What stops your hair from falling?

The floor

How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night?

Take away their beds...

Stop Bereave Jokes More Stop Bereave Jokes

Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

Chinese Man Jokes More Chinese Man Jokes

Why did a Chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

To get laid.

What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died?

I can't bereave it!

Wing Wing Jokes More Wing Wing Jokes

What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow?

A Chinese telephone. Wing wing. Arrow?

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese phone. Wing wing, hallo?

Vegetarian Jokes More Vegetarian Jokes

How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq?

They'll tell you.

How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian?

Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why did the little tugboat do what all of the other tugboats told him to do?

Pier pressure

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?

So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Town Jokes More Town Jokes

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.