Leave Jokes

What is the real reason leaves fall to the ground?

They know people will blow them.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What did the underscore say when he got up to leave?

Gotta Dash!

What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

Why did the duck leave his flock?

Because he wanted to be a-loone.

Why has the ex-NSA contractor not left his house?

He's snowed in.

Why was the women unable to leave the boutique?

She couldn't find the Dior

How do you get a person with podophobia to leave?

Just say "shoe".

Why was Mary Jane not a virgin?

Her mother leaves.

Why are you picking up rocks?

M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

What gas leaves a pirate speechless?

Argon

What do dads never forget to include in their "dad" jokes?

PUNctuation Okay, I'll leave.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

Because he's snowed in.

How much is half of 8?

Pupil: Up and down or across Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Well up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?

It depends on the age.

What happened when the Pillsbury Doughboy's girlfriend was left out too long?

He had a stalemate.

Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.

Why was the doctor forced to leave work early?

The hospital ran all out of patience

What animals were last to leave the ark?

The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!

What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.

What does a math teacher say when they leave?

Calc-U-LATER

What does a tree do when it goes on vacation?

It packs its trunk and leaves.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay?

Because it was a freight!

What do you do when nothing goes right?

Go left

What's better than having a 'Brexit' vote about Britain leaving the EU?

Not being British.

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

What did EA give Sean Murray for a parting gift upon leaving EA?

Game dev lessons.

How much space does the EU have left?

1GB

Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?

She wanted to be a nurse.

What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

Why did Sally the Sloth sleep in all day?

Because her crippling depression leaves her unable to function properly.

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Where can you find a paraplegic man?

Right where you left him.

Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail?

Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies.

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?

Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

Who's there! Crewcut! Crewcut who?

Crewcut and I'm the only one left!

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave the Russian airport?

Because he got Snowden!

Why didn't the electron leave it's house?

Because it was grounded.

What's the difference between Reddit and the 1984 Universe?

You can leave Reddit.

Why did the dyslexic butcher feel left out?

He felt like he just didn't belong-a (bologna)

How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree

What did the parent say when the little girl was whining?

Leave it to peave her.

Why did the fruit leave office?

Because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

Why didn't Drake head on down to South Park?

He would never leave his woes behind.

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves. I should go back to studying now. K bye.

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-Elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

You might also enjoy:

Russell Jokes More Russell Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?

Russell.

What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night?

Russell!

Restaurant Jokes More Restaurant Jokes

What did the Mexican... What did the Mexican man order at the country musician themed restaurant?

A Reba!

Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

There was no atmosphere

Tear Jokes More Tear Jokes

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

Barbecue tonight!

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do you call an attractive bee who goes to bars?

A bar-bee!

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar?

Weight for it...

Thousand Year Jokes More Thousand Year Jokes

What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?

Church

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

World Jokes More World Jokes

What made the world stop being Blue?

The new softcap limits

What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world?

Molar opposites.