Leave Jokes

Why is a woman like a KFC?

After your done with the thighs and breasts all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What does a woman and KFC have in common?

By the time youre finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Why are women like KFC?

After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What do a chick and KFC have in common?

Once you're done enjoying the legs, thighs and breasts your left with a greasy box to stick your bone in.

What's the difference between foreplay and KFC?

Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in.

How is a woman like KFC?

After you're done with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box.

How much space does the EU have left?

1GB

What is the worse thing you can do to a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet!

Why did Sally the Sloth sleep in all day?

Because her crippling depression leaves her unable to function properly.

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Where can you find a paraplegic man?

Right where you left him.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who?

420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned Okay, sorry I'll leave.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

Who's there! Crewcut! Crewcut who?

Crewcut and I'm the only one left!

What do you call a woman leaving an abortion clinic?

Dead on the inside...

This joke may have profanity.

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave the Russian airport?

Because he got Snowden!

Why didn't the electron leave it's house?

Because it was grounded.

How can a man take an abortion pill?

He just picks one up and leaves.

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the dyslexic butcher feel left out?

He felt like he just didn't belong-a (bologna)

Who left these bodies here?

Get them back inside the camp!

Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree

What hand do you wipe with?

Left or right Response: why not use toilet paper

Why did the fruit leave office?

Because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves. I should go back to studying now. K bye.

What do they say when you leave an abortion clinic in Germany?

Al-fetus-zane

This joke may have profanity.

How do you fit 4 guys on a bar stool?

Turn it upside-down. But how do you get them off Shake the stool. (OK, I'll leave now.)

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet

What's the difference between yogurt and white people?

If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry.................. Just kidding! She's dead.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

How come the stadium got hot after the game?

Because all of the fans left.

What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.

Why did the John leave the Brothel?

He was sick of the hormones! (whore-moans)

This joke may have profanity.

How do you make a Chihauhau cross?

Leave it alone with a horny Beagle for 5 minutes.

This joke may have profanity.

What does a bucket of KFC and a whore have in common?

After you're done with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

This joke may have profanity.

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

Because he was Snowden

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

Why did Prince Charles leave Windsor Castle and move to an alley?

Because: Camilla Parker Bowles.

What do you call a judge with no left hand and left leg?

He is alright, but one sided!

What did Chad Kroeger say after leaving a concert of Justin Bieber?

I want my Nickleback....

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane?

A premature evacuation.

Whats the difference between America and Yogurt?

If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

Why does Mexico never win the Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim already left.

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Why does Britain love tea so much?

Because tea leaves.

What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.

Why does Britain like tea so much?

Because tea leaves.

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

How much space is left in EU?

1 GB

What did UK say while leaving?

It's not EU, it's me

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?

Semtex.

How many times can look at the sun with a telescope?

You can do this twice. One time with you right eye and one with your left!

Why didn't Hellen Keller learn to lip-read?

The braille left her lips numb.

Why is the dating app called Tinder?

When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

Why is Darth Vader black?

Because he left his son.

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?

He was Snowden.

What did the black eyed peas say when they left the dentist?

I got a filling, woo-hoo!

Why did the Ogre cry when he left the doctor's office?

He was diagnosed with shrecktal cancer.

Why are black people afraid of high fives?

They don't want to be left hanging

What do redditors and litterers have in common?

I'm just gonna leave this here.

What did the hippie say when asked to leave the party?

Namaste.

What is the number 1 activity to do in Syria on Trip Advisor?

Leave.

What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Why do white people think they can say the N word?

Because it is the only thing left that still belongs to black people.

What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

An Oncologist

Why did Comic Sans's girlfriend leave him?

He just wasn't her type.

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

Why do they name all hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

What do you get when you leave a dog inside a car when it's 100 degrees outside?

A hot dog.

What did the cat say when the delivery man was leaving?

Purolator.

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.

What's the difference between a yoghurt and the USA?

If left for 400 years, the yoghurt will develop a culture.

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?

By leaving a plunger in the toilet

What did Drake say to 2Chainz as he was leaving da club?

Challah at ya boy!

Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.

Who leaves money under the pillows of children with LGBT parents?

Surely you will have guessed - the brooth fairy.

What's the difference between Reddit and the 1984 Universe?

You can leave Reddit.

Why did Tina Fey cross the road?

To get another Golden Globe. Tina Fey walks into the Tina Fey,the Tina Fey asks "How can i Tina Fey you?to which Tina Fey reply,"Ah just give me a Tina Fey" and then leaves with a Golden Globe. Unbreakable is good.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious.

What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common?

We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed.

What did the right eye say to the left?

There's something between us that smells..

What did the Men's Right's Activist say when he left his piano out in the rain?

MUH SOGGY KEYS!

Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

Why did the skeleton leave the party?

Because everyone was calling him a bone-head. (I was 6 when I came up with that).

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

You might also enjoy:

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves?

Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?

Davey.... are we pouring concrete today

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

What do you do when Ronda says "Not Tonight"?

Kick her out of bed

Restaurant Jokes More Restaurant Jokes

Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials?

Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What's a rabbi's favorite type of bar?

It's sure as hell not a bar-mitzvah, those things are expensive.

How did the Ethiopian escape prison?

He squeezed through the bars.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge with a denim jacket on

Old Man Jokes More Old Man Jokes

What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?

Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico, and how the smell reminded him of tacos.

Why did the old man throw the matress out the window?

Dementia

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How long has this been bothering you?

Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

Because he thought his wife was a flake.