Cheese Jokes

What do you call the god of cheese?

Cheesus

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What did the cheese say to its reflection?

Halloumi!

What's a monk's favorite kind of cheese?

Smoked Buddha.

Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

What type of cheese is not yours?

Nacho cheese!!!

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of its cage?

Camembert

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Colby Jack's.

Why was the cheese so sad?

Because it was provOLONE

What kind of cheese can be used to build a structure?

Cottage cheese.

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What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi!

What's Emperor Palpatine's favorite kind of cheese?

Gouda, gouda...

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?

Rats!

What is the most independent kind of cheese?

Prov alone.

How does cheese get more mature?

Fromage

What kind of cheese gives out money?

Prova I just came up with that and feel pretty proud (:

What does a German call a party without Sausage and Cheese?

A Wurst-Kse Scenario

How do you get wishes from cheese?

You fed-a-genie!

What did the cheese say to itself in the in the mirror?

Halloumi

What kind of cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone

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What do you call cheese that isn't your cheese?

NACHO-CHEESE

What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?

About 100 French people right now

Why did the cheese cry?

It was degrating.

Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?

Because Jesus took the wheel.

What sort of cheese do you use to get a bear to go on a outing with you?

Camembert

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and cheese.

What cheese is used to block online streaming?

Edam

What do you call a man with a fetish for US currency who works on a dairy farm?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

What is Gucci Mane's favorite kind of cheese?

Gruyauuuurrrrrrrrrr

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What's better than cheese?

A cheese grater

What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers?

Cracka-lackin

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

NA'CHO CHEESE

What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

Smoked Muenster.

What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese was.

What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror?

Hallooooo me!

What type of cheese can you see in a mirror?

Halloumi! (Hello me)

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

What happened to the Greek dairy farmer who got robbed on his way to market?

He was un-feta-ed of his cheese.

Why don't French people smile in pictures?

The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".

What does cheese say when you take its picture?

Make sure you get my Gouda side!

How does Jennifer Lopez like her cheese?

From the block.

How do you discuss cheese with a Welshman?

Very Caerphilly.

What state makes exclusively Swiss cheese?

Swisconsin.

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

NACHO CHEESE!

What did the tomato say to the cheese in court?

I rest my queso.

What is a sorority girl's favorite type of cheese?

Feta

What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter?

Camenbert

What cheese is not yours?

Not your cheese....

What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone!

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear?

Camembert!

Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

Coz 'e-mmental!

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver!

What do you call a cheese that's not yours?

My cheese!

Who's cheese is on those chips?

Fixed And I said, "Well, obviously *na-chos*." Get it It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent.

What did one cheese say to the other?

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate!

Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?

Because for them, it is a Wurst-Kase scenario.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

What cheese is the most religious?

Swiss cheese! (it's the most hole-y)

What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese.

What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?

Camembert!

What do you call cheese that is by itself?

Provolone

What's the most annoying thing about making cheese?

The curds get in the whey!

What's the best part about twenty two year old wheels of cheese?

There are twenty of them.

What do you call a goat that likes cheese with their pasta?

Maaaac

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

Why did ranch break up with chicken wings?

Because he blue cheese...

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Someone else's cheese.

Where do cheeses go to the bathroom?

In a Parma-John.

Why did they ruin this pizza with so much cheese?

SNOE

What do you call an empty cheese whiz jar?

Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.

How have you done that?

I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What do you say to an art student with a job?

Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?

Because he's not a rat.

What's a mouse's favourite record?

Please cheese me!

What do you call cheese that is not yours?

Nacho Cheese.

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

Camembert!

Which cheese is schizophrenic?

Halloumi

What's Medusa's favorite kind of cheese?

Gorgonzola.

What type of cheese lives under your bed?

Muenster.

What do you call an arcade in eastern europe?

Czech-e-cheese

What is a mouse's favorite record?

Please cheese me'!

What did the mouse say to the webcam?

Cheese.

How did I boast to the cheese I made myself?

Gruyere.

What's it called when you borrow cheese from a friend?

Taking out a provoloan

How does a Mexican use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence?

Liver alone, cheese mine!

What did the milk say to the cheese?

Hey, you're old!

What did the cheese maker say to his son after he dropped the cheese?

That's no whey to go through life, son.

What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke?

One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?

Thank you I'll just have a slither.

What's Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgon*zola

What is Rhiannas favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella-ella-ella

What did God say to the cheese that sinned?

Gouda Hell.

What sweetie?

Tell who what! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

Why didn't the cheese get sliced?

It was destined for grater.

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How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

How are you going to pay for that?

Oh, just put it on my bill.

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What do you do on a remote island?

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

What did quantum consciousness say to its son?

Your awareness differentiates to the expansion of experiences and freedom impacts the expression of the phenomena in reality to quantum belonging.

Ups Jokes More Ups Jokes

What did the pilot say to the co-pilot right before the UPS plane crash in Alabama?

Too soon.

Why is it best to ship boxes using a UPS truck?

The DOWNS truck is a little slow.

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What is the difference between a Lira and a Dollar?

A Dollar

What is the difference between a crackhead and a walrus?

One tooth

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How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?

OC He looked inside Santa's sack.

Why did the black guy wear a suit and tie to his vasectomy?

Well, if I'm gonna be impotent, I'm gonna look impotent.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?

Reality.

What kind of beer was Dr. Stephen Strange serving?

It was his own Strange Brew. You would be Moranic not to like it.

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What did the French chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

Slice Jokes More Slice Jokes

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

A sandwich

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.