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Sound Jokes

Where are the best sounding farts listed?

Sharts.

Love Card

Love Card

What sound does a Greek gun make?

TZZZZAT, TZZZZZZZAT!

What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubble, hubble, hubble shamelessly stolen joke from the Facebook page of "Grammarly"

What sound does a bouncing plane make?

Boeing boeing boeing

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung

What does it sound like when Java laughs?

Java -jar jar.jar

What sound does a street sweeper make?

Broom Broom

What is Sean Murray's favorite song?

The sound of silence

What does a North Korean ricochet sound like?

PYONG! YANG!

Whats the different between falling from the 10th floor and falling from the 1st floor?

The sound you make 10th floor " AHHHHHHHHH " 1st floor " AHHHHHHHHHH "

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.:

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What sound does a chocolate bird make?

Cacao! Cacao!

Why do most blind folks not skydive?

The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.

How does a Plutonium Gun sounds like?

Pu! Pu! Pu!

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What sound does a pool make when someone you don't like jumps in?

DOOOOUUUUCCCCHHHEEEEEE!

What's addicting?

The sound an erection makes when it hits a cymbal.

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!

What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11?

Nin, ten, "....I'll leave now.

What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?

It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.

What's the hardest thing about being an audiophile?

Convincing the sound to get into your van.

Love

Love

Why is there so much "twang" in Country music?

It is the sound a guitar makes after six or seven generations of inbreeding.

What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping?

Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those.

What sound does a cow make?

Sssssssss....

What sounds like a frog but keeps me up all night?

Reddit

What's small, orange and sounds like a parrot?

An oompa loompa with a sore throat.

How do bored cows sound like?

Meh

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

What sound does Reddit make when it blows up?

Pao! Edit: Whoa, FP gold. Thank you!

How can you call someone and sound fabulous?

Use a homophone.

What sound does a Filipino horse make when it gallops?

Tagalog-tagalog-tagalog-tagalog.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?

That sounded a lot better in my head

What sound does an emo cow make?

Amumu

What sound does a Baroque chicken make?

Bach Bach Bach Bach

What sound does a piano make when falling down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor.

What sound does a subatomic Cow make?

Muuuuuuon

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

What sound does Korean bread make when it hits a wall?

Bang! (!)

What sound does a Hispanic pacman make?

Guac-a Guac-a!

What's the sound of a water truck hitting a vinegar truck?

KAAA DOOOUUCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

Scream) APPLE!!!

What sound does a pinewood derby car make when you rev it?

Wooooooden Woooooooden Woooooden!

What was the deaf mans favorite song?

The Sound of Silence.

What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom?

No sound at all, the D is silent

What sound does a Japanese camera make?

Crick

What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl urinates?

There is no sound... The P is silent.

What sound does a racist machine gun make?

Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

What does GOP mean?

GOP" is onomatopoeic: it's the sound of anonymous penetration in public bathrooms late at night. -&y

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?

It was stuffed.

How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?

This IRS guy sounded pretty into me

What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?

A phone moan.

What sound does a banambulance make?

Naner naner naner

Who's cheese is on those chips?

Fixed And I said, "Well, obviously *na-chos*." Get it It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent.

What's the last sound you hear before a pube hits the floor?

Tppppthh...."spit sound"

What sound does a Turkey make?

Coup coup

What do Jedi sheep sound like?

Dagobah.

How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Just spell it like the way it sounds!

What is the Asian firefighter's favorite song?

The Sound of Sirens

What sound does a bomb make before it goes off?

Allahu ackbar!!

What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician?

Log log log log log log log log log...

Where do you go to weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)

What's loud and sounds like "apples"?

APPLES!!!*

What sound did they make?

Bum-bum tssh!

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?

He dislikes poles polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words It hard

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

What sound does an Italian American microwave make?

Bada bing!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What sound does a turkey now make?

Coup.

What sound does a Nintendo Ambulence make?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U.

What sound does a Polish crow make?

Krakow

What is the sound of one hand typing?

Fap-fap-fap.

What sound does a black widow make?

My husband be dead

What do Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and Keith Richards have in common?

They both made habits fashionable.

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?

Cowboom!

What is loud and sounds like an apple?

AN APPLE!**

What sound was made when a water truck collided with a vinegar truck?

DOUCHE!!!

What sound do two photons make when they hit each other?

Planck!*

What sound does a dying Turkey make?

Coup coup coup

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?

A cud thud!

What sound does a Chinese cat make?

Mao

Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights?

The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD.

When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?

So we can both sound useless.

What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?

Cashew

How is a bell obedient?

It sounds off only when it is told (tolled).

What should it sound like when it's connecting?

Guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elephino. (You may have to sound it out.)

What fish sounds like a telephone?

Herring herring...herring herring...herring herring.

Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

What sounds like a joke, but isn't funny?

An anti-joke.

Why is a cow that he jumps?

Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)

Why are notes natural leaders?

Because while a note makes a sound, the rest is silent.

What sounds does a vicar's gun make?

Pew! Pew!

What sound does it make when you light a stick of dynamite in them middle of a sheep herd?

Ssssssssssss boom! baaaaaaaah!

What sound does a dead cow make?

BOOOOOOOOOO

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Japanese Jokes More Japanese Jokes

What do you call a Japanese pirate?

J-Peg.

What is Batman's Japanese emergency number?

7777-Batman

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

What is the best joke you have heard that was on the end of a Popsicle stick?

Here is mine: Q: Where do snowmen dance --------- A: At the snowball. Best joke at the end of a Popsicle stick

Urinate Jokes More Urinate Jokes

What do you say to an Italian who is urinating on the sidewalk?

European!

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

List Jokes More List Jokes

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

What are some of your weaknesses?

Applicant: I'm lazy I: that's it A: I'm lazy to list them all...

Shart Jokes More Shart Jokes

What do you call a shart?

Woopsie Poopsie

Where are the best sounding farts listed?

Sharts.

Spell Jokes More Spell Jokes

What's a word that no matter how much you spelled it, it always wrong?

Wrong, the word is wrong

Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?

Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776.

Batman Jokes More Batman Jokes

Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

Because it was rated "PG"

What's black and blue and about to hurt someone?

Batman thinking about his dead parents.

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Why is everything lying on the floor?

My mom asked Gravity, I replied.