Light Bulb Jokes

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, political idealists can't change anything.

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them.

How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?

None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Light bulb.

How many ska kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Three; one to drop the bulb and two to yell "pick it up pick it up!"

How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first.

How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Monkeys screw in trees.

How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.

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How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

We'll get on it next week

How many indie bands does it take to change a light bulb?

Eh, it's some number you've probably never heard of.

How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many bees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but how do they get in there?

How many Freemasons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's a secret!

How many bros does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer Natural Light.

How many NBA refs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they only screw playoff games.

How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale? Because there's no light inside the closet

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.

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How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb?

More guns.

How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go swimming?

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they prefer the dark.

How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know?.... saw this joke in today's

How many sociologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

How many downies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Potatoe

Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

100; 1 to do it, and 99 to say "I could do that."

How many frat guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to make a t-shirt about it.

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it.

How many PETA memebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. PETA can't change anything.

How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know either, I walked out early too.

How does an engineer screw a light-bulb?

He holds the light-bulb over the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris.

How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but they get extra credits for it

How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans. (I will be hated by few)

How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb.

How many libertarians?

How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it.

How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Change?

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

How many Environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they will never change a thing.

How many PETA members does it take to change light bulb?

None, PETA can't change anything.

How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

How many Kings of Spain does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Juan

How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

22 one to screw it in 21 to shoot the bulb.

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

How many Will Ferrell's does it take to change a light bulb?

One, AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!

How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.

How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

Third as many as for a regular bulb.

How many Spanish people does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!

How many Communists does is take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing

How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw.

How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?

None They don't make Pampers small enough.

How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a light-bulb?

It's not &gt9000) FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGGGGON BAAAAL ZEEEEEEEEE

How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows they never keep the house!

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Why does it take two premenstrual women to change a light bulb?

BECAUSE!!

How many X does it take to change a light bulb?

N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!

How man nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter.

How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb?

Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?

One but you should have seen the bulb it must have been THIS big.

How many telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb?

3. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how beautiful the turns were.

How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby I'll check on that.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year

How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you

How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.

How manyh grad students does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes 7 years.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. In Russia, light bulb changes you.

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

How many /r/Jokes mods does it take to change a light bulb?

Removed

How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but he'll tell everybody.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it have to be a group activity

How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they would rather keep you in the dark!

How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No two. No... How many do we have on the truck

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

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