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How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

What did Sloth say when he found gold?

AU GUYS!!!

Why did the raisin take the prune to the New Year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

Why did the bunny find some extra green in his paycheck?

Because he put in a little extra clovertime.

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

What brown, steams, and can be found under a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement.

What is a crack head's favourite song?

Q: What is a crack head's favourite song A: I wanna rock!!! Well I found it funny anyway..

Why is revenge a dish best served with honey?

Because honey is what you find at the end of bee trails (betrayals)

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome a good lover and a stimulating partner?

A. In the pages of a romance novel.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.

Where do you usually find dogs?

It all depends on where you lose them.

Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find her?

Because she's Transparent.

What's good for the soul and rarely found in America?

A sense of humor.

What do you find on a beach?

A tangent.

Where do you find 60 million French jokes?

In France.

Where did people find out that Pluto was no longer a planet?

The orbituaries.

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Why was the blonde crawling on the ground in the shop?

She was trying to find the lowest prices

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it?

Play the piano until you find the right key.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

Amaized.

Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN?

To find out the latest on gum control legislation.

Why couldn't the t-rex find a mate?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

Why does everyone find the absolute value of zero so funny?

L0l

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

How are beer nuts like deer nuts?

You can find a small bag of each under a buck.

What musical instrument can be found in nearly every Bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

What did Fred from 'Scooby Doo' say when Mystery Inc. finally found a mystery that was too scary for them to solve?

2scooby4doo

How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?

Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.

What did the hamburger say when it found out that most people liked hamburgers better than frankfurters?

Hot dog!'

What do you find in a cloud's shorts?

Thunderpants!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Beaver E! Beaver E who?

Beaver E quiet and nobody will find us!

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

Why did the Red Sea not find a good husband?

Because she was too shallow.

What do you find in the filing cabinets of a law firm?

Organised crime.

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

Why did the walrus go to the container store?

To find a tight seal.

Why couldn't people find Joseph?

He was Haydn!

What did the librarian say to the travel agent?

Find what you're booking for

Who's the wost president ever?

Guess we'll find out in January.

What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moon mission?

He Apollo-gized.

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch!

Why was the women unable to leave the boutique?

She couldn't find the Dior

Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?

Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.

What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moonmission?

He Apollo-gized.

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A $20 bill

Where do chicken strips find love?

Chicken tinder Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

How did you find the fleas?

Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

Why are you so upset?

It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend.

How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down

What do you find in an empty nose?

Fingerprints.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?

Use a starch engine.

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?

Mmm. Canapes.

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?

Sleep in the wardrobe.

How many Dragon Ball Z episodes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z***

What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?

Tulips.

Where would you find an algebraic Sailors hat?

Indice

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us?

Why do we have to do all the work

What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common?

They both have problems finding x.

Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary?

Because it's undefined.

What did Waldo say at the Superbowl?

I'm just here so I won't get find.

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

Why did the seal make a Tinder account?

To find a Significant Otter.

Why is women's soccer so rare?

It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?

Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

What did the blonde's dentist find?

Teeth in the cavity.

How many Super Sayains does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

What do you call a dog that can find something that's not there?

A Labracadabrador

How do You find the worst joke of the internet?

You reddit.

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?

She couldn't find the 10 key.

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

How do you find King Arthur in the dark?

With a knight light....

Why couldn't Princess Leia find love?

She was looking in Alderaan places.

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

Why can't you find good quality clothing on the Iron Islands?

They do not sew

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

Be too drunk to find your keys.

What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo?

Bronco-saurus!

How do you find a blonde on reddit?

Look for the comments that just say "huh "

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?

On squid row!

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?

In a cat-alogue!

Why haven't we found aliens yet?

Because they are searching for intelligent life too.

Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast?

The game warden found out he poached his eggs!

What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?

I must throw that doggie out the window!"!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

Where is the best place to find Eskimo Lesbians?

At the Klondike Bar.

How does Reddit feel about Civil War jokes?

Because personally, I General Lee don't find them funny

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

How do you find an inconvenient proof?

With an Al-Gore-rithm

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

What's little, brown, and found in the woods?

Winnies' pooh.

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Roach Jokes More Roach Jokes

How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 but how they got in the light bulb I will never know

What's the only thing worse than finding a roach in your food?

Finding half of a roach in your food.

Momentum Jokes More Momentum Jokes

Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

He was just minding his Ps and Qs.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's rear end!

What is the last thing you want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson' Credit: old joke via: Norm Macdonald

Quantum Jokes More Quantum Jokes

Where does an atom go when it breaks down?

A quantum mechanic. lel

What do you call a quantum physicist's hair style?

Schrdinger's cut

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What's E.T short for?

Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for Because he can't sit down.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

Bad Lover Jokes More Bad Lover Jokes
Change Jokes More Change Jokes

What do you do if your computer hums?

Tell it to change its socsks!

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why is everyone talking about me?

They seem mad..." -Temp worker at Foot Locker

What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?

Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."