Christmas Jokes

What did Dracula say at the Christmas party?

Fancy a bite

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Who's there! Amory! Amory who?

Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game?

Mean-opoly.

What do you get a body builder for Christmas?

A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.

What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song?

Oh comb all ye faithful'

What do homeless people get for Christmas?

Hypothermia.

What do Hispanic weeaboos say on Christmas?

Feliz NYAHHHH-vidad

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

What does an orphan get for Christmas?

Really lonely.

What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?

Eggnog-stic.

What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?

Best vicious of the season

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Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

What's a Mathematician's favourite Christmas pudding?

Yule ln!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?

Ince pies!

What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas?

They both have Sandy Claws.

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?

They both drop their needles!

What do elephants sing at Christmas?

Noel-ephants Noel-ephants...

Who sings "Love me tender" and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis.

Why is it so cold at Christmas?

It's in Decembrrrrr.

What's the best part about being a meth addict?

3 sleeps 'til Christmas

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?

Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

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Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?

Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

What is robin going to get for Christmas?

An oviposition set

How does NASA organize their Christmas party?

They planet

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?

They both have ornamental balls.

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue. Christmas crackers are just full of laughs.

What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?

Elephanta Claus!

What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?

Jungle bells.

What did Pitbull ask for Christmas?

Dolly.

What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?

One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?

A ghoul Yule!

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

What is another name for Santa's elves?

Subordinate Clauses! Merry Christmas everyone.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pineapple!

What did the bad rapper get for Christmas?

J Coal

What did the strawberry say on December 25th?

Berry Christmas!

Why does Jay Z love Christmas?

Because he's the best wrapper alive.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?

Santa Clues.

What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert?

Oh caaamel ye faithful.

What's Christmas called in England?

Yule Britannia!

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for Christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

Why didn't the string get anything for Christmas?

Because he was knotty!

What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween?

Only two more sleeps till Christmas!

Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

Because it's Boxing Day!

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas?

I love Satan

Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?

They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?

Grave-y!

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?

A furry Merry Christmas & Happy mew year"!

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?

Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?

Chick to chick!

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?

Cross mouse cards!

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC (thank you very much)

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

Santapplause!

What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

What types of trees never get Christmas presents?

Knotty Pines.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What did the banker get for Christmas?

My 401k

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?

I don't like sprouts!

How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter?

Tell her a joke at Christmas

What is the cow's holiday greeting?

Mooooory Christmas!

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment?

They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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What would Martin Luther King be if he was white?

Alive. He would be alive.

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What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

Milkman Jokes More Milkman Jokes

Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas Eve?

Because of the Ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

What happened to the Milkman?

He drank all the milk.... makes sense no logically, yes!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How was your day?

And he goes: " rrrrRough "

How does a seamstress reply to someone asking her how her day was?

So,so.....

Kkk Jokes More Kkk Jokes

Eve Jokes More Eve Jokes

Why did Eve want to move to New York?

She fell for the Big Apple!

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.

Dream Jokes More Dream Jokes

What's the difference between dreams and memes?

I haven't given up on my memes yet

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do people want attention of 1000 pies?

Because it's their sen-pais

How can we build this?

A business major asks, "How can we finance this " A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that "