Bird Jokes

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken

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Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

What's your opinion on birds?

Well, they're pretty fly if you ask me.

Why is one side of the flying-V longer than the other?

Because there's more birds in it.

What's the phrase for when a bird spills a drink?

Party fowl.

What language do birds speak?

Squackhili

What do you call an Angry Bird who just got back from the spa?

A Bird.

What do you do when a bird attacks you?

Duck.

What did the bird say after its cage fell apart?

Cheap cheap!

How many people can ride on a bird?

Toucan.

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

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What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A millennial falcon.

How do birds kiss?

They give a peck to the cheek.

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

What do you call a religious bird?

A bird of prey.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

What does a bird with an injured wing need?

Tweetment!

What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?

Tequila Mockingbird.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan

What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart?

Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland

What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly?

They ostrich-sized him

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Why didn't the bird cross the road?

It chickened out.

How did the bird get his bluetooth to work?

He had to parrot.

What kind of bird flies around bays?

Bagles

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Because they are already "in the skies".

Why are birds always sad in the morning?

Their bills are over dew

What kind of bird does 2 Chainz own?

Toucan

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What did the bird say when it flew into the window?

Owl

What does a bird say when it wants revenge?

Toucan play at that game!

How do birds record their songs?

On duck tape!

What do you call a bird with 3 wings and 3 legs?

Triangull

What did one bird say to another bird on New Year's?

WOW THAT YEAR FLEW BY

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?

Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!

What kind of bird always sticks together?

A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why do some birds fly south for the winter?

Its to far to walk.

Why did the bird go to the restaurant?

Tweet!

Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?

So he could flip the bird

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

Why do birds live in nests?

Because they can't afford houses in this economy.

What is it called when two birds kiss?

A Peck.

How do birds learn to fly?

They just wing it.

What do you call a bird that speaks Spanish?

A Si-gull

What's the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

What do you call a bird who wants to have a different personality?

An alter eagle!

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

What kind of bird opens doors?

A kiwi!

What bird has wings but cannot fly?

Roast turkey!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?

A bird that talks in morse code!

What's the difference between an ant and a bird?

A bird can fly.

What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick-or-tweet!

What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a bird?

A Doberman fincher!

What is the definition of Robin?

A bird who steals!

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?

A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.

Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!

What does a bird say when he enters Nofrills?

Cheap, Cheap, Cheap...

What birds are found in Portugal?

Portu-geese!

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

What did one bird say to the other bird?

Toucan play at this game.

Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a nest-cafe!

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?

Jail-birds!

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What does a Bird and a fridge have in common?

They Can Both fly except the fridge.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A bird that lays down!

What's the best time to buy a bird?

When it goes cheep!

What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?

It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).

Why was the bird sick?

It had the flew and its throat was soar.

What has four legs and can fly?

Two Birds!

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What kind of khakis do birds wear?

Khakaws!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?

A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks!

Why did the bird join he air force?

He wanted to be a parrot trooper!

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?

I have Grey Poupon me

Why are birds always short on cash?

Because they have bills.

What birds spend all their time on their knees?

Birds of prey!

What do you call a bird that lives underground?

A mynah bird!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?

One is loud obnoxious and noisy the other is a bird.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?

A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!

What kind of bird is that?

Just look at that bird!

Why couldn't the lake birds get along?

Because they were SWAN enemies.

What's a robin?

Fred: A bird that steals ma'am.

What bird can lift the most?

A crane

Where do birds invest their money?

In the stork market!

Why is politics for the birds?

Because politicians always parrot the same old lines!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With it's sparrowchute!

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a bird that flies over a baseball stadium?

A fowl!

What did the owl say to the squirrel?

Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

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How do you catch a unique bird?

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How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

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What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

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Spitting swallowing and gargling.

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Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

What did one bird say to another bird on New Year's?

WOW THAT YEAR FLEW BY

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Why did the raisin take the prune to the New Year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Who's there! Amory! Amory who?

Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!