Friend Jokes

What do you call a projectile that is very good at finding friends?

A homie missile.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

What's it called when you borrow cheese from a friend?

Taking out a provoloan

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

What is wrong with me?

Asking for a friend..

What did the snail say when his friend lost his car?

Where did Es-car-go.

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

How do you know your friends are pleased with your Facebook post?

They like it!

Why did the pancake cross the road?

His friends egged him on

What did Jay Z say when his friend died?

No Biggie.

Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely?

He's good at making friends.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What did the claustrophobic fungi say to his friends?

There's not mushroom in here

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out

How does a witch make scrambled eggs?

She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?

Hard cheese.

What happened after the man borrowed a sad movie from his friend?

He lost it.

What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend?

When she says she thinks of you like a brother.

What did pancake Chip say to his friend pancake Berry when Berry was sad?

Don't feel blue, Berry, things will get batter

What does Sherlock call his friends?

His Holmies

What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.

What happened when the host of Dirty Jobs said hello to a friend that was fairly far away?

Microwave.

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What's worse than 9/11?

311 Credit goes to my friend Max.

How does a witch make scrambled eggs?

She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright! 'Owl be seeing you later.'

How does a potato keep up with it's friends?

With Google chromosome+

What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow?

E=MC U L8R

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Why are dolphins all friends with each other?

They just click you know

Why did the cyclops close his school?

Because he only had one pupil! The joke is that I have no friends

What's green and says "hey I'm a frog"?

A talking frog! Stolen from "Friends" still hilarious.

What do coffee beans say to scare their friends?

Brew.

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

Let us prey.

What do you call a shark with no friends?

A lone shark

What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner?

Watson the menu

Why does tigger have no friends?

Because he plays with pooh.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear?

It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Why does Kylo Ren have no friends?

Because his whole life he's Ben Solo

What does Stevie Wonder call his money?

Wonderbread. Anyone want to be my friend

Which trees have the most friends?

The poplar ones.

Knock knock. Who's there? Arnold. Arnold who?

Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine!

Why couldn't Billy the Jet go flying with his friends?

Because he was grounded.

What do you call a dog with a lot of friends?

Pawpular!

Why did the mushroom have so many friends?

He was a fungi.

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?

You-Rang-a-Tang

What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

Why was the cake lonely?

Because he was deserted by his friends

What did the couch surfing, yoga junkie say when his friend asked him to leave?

Namaste.

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Diamond Jokes More Diamond Jokes

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

Why is a baby like an diamond?

Because it's a dear little thing.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many dead memes does it take to change a light bulb?

Over 9000.

How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yes.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb.

How many Star Trek captains does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but there are FOUR LIGHTS!

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did a man throw his breakfast out the window?

He was a cereal defenestrator.

What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?

No chance of blocking an uppercut.

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What happens when everything's coming your way?

Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?

He whale-d

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Why are Sharks the only species that get their own week?

I'd totally watch hermit crab week if they had one.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the mathematician call his dog Cauchy?

Because he left a residue at every pole.

What type of dog leaves a mark?

Shar pei