Pirate Jokes

Why should you never shout at a pirate?

Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)

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What language do pirates speak?

Arrrrrrabic! A friend and I were extremely high and he thought of this.Good times.

Whats a pirates favourite kind of wood??

Seeder

What do you call a Pirate who lost his anchor?

Can't anchor us" /bow.. this is as clever as i get, people.. so sorry.

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they often spend years at C EDIT: made it more punny

Why do pirates like TIG welding so much?

Because they have a good supply of ARRgon.

Why did the pirate update his Macbook?

His matey told him he needed an iPatch

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers?

Under his buckin' hat.

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneer' s?

Under his buccan-hat.

How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants?

He used an eyepatch

What's a pirate's favorite workout program?

Pirates (pronounced like pilates)

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What does a pirate with back spasms say?

Shiver me lumbars.

Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Why don't any pirates live in Kansas?

Because they all live in kansas.

How much do pirates pay for earrings?

Somewhere around a buck an ear.

What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?

It's driving me nuts!

What do pirates use to copy files?

Yarrrrrsync!

How are pirates like pimps?

They both have gold teeth and say "yo ho!"

Where's your buccaneers?

The pirate responds, "tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"

What's with the steering wheel on the front of your pants?

The pirate says, "Argh!! I don't know but it's driving me testicles!!!"

Where does a pirate go on vacation?

Arrrrrland.

How do you test a pirate for crabs?

Swab the deck!

How much do pirates pay to get an earring?

A Buccaneer.

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

Doctors without boarders.

Why can't the pirate get to any subreddits?

He keeps typing /arrr/

Who did the pirate lose his virginity to?

His first mate.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

What do you call a pirate with polio?

FD Arghhhh.

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

Why don't Pirates get invited to Birthday parties?

Because they always steal doubloons

What's a pirates favorite material?

Arrrgyle*YARRRN!*Thanks Bravesurf

What does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buck-an-ear

How much does a pirate earing cost?

A buccaneer

How do pirates like their jigsaws?

In pieces of eight.

What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?

Long John silvers

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

Where Do Pirates From Kansas Go?

AR-Kansas

What do pirates use telephones for?

Booty call

This joke may have profanity.

What did the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants say?

Argh it's driving me nuts!

What do you call an Asian flying a plane?

A pirate.

What does a pirate do for entertainment?

Whatever floats his boat.

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate?

Sandy Hook.

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

Why can't Pirates spell the alfhabet?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRgh

What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon?

ARE YE READY KIDS!

Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting?

Because he's always fighting pirates

Why don't pirates ever stop going to brothels?

They can't get enough booty.

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

How much do pirates pay for corn?

A buck an ear!

What do you call a pirate who is all out of reales(Silver coins)?

Long Gone Silver... /drops mic

What do pirates and pimps have in common?

They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!

Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?

The pirate says, "Aye, aye!" The French says, "Oui, oui!"

Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate?

It made it easier to deal with high C's

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear.

Where did the pirate go to college?

Yale. He was rejected from H**arrrr**vard.

Where do pirates go in the summer?

In ARRgentina.

How much does a pirate pay for an ear piercing?

A buck an ear

What did the pirate name his pet clam?

Michelle

Why can't you find pirates in Kansas?

They all live in Arkansas

What did the pirate get on his report card?

Seven C's

What does a pirate take for his allergies?

Aye-drops

How do pirates sing the ABC's?

Abcdefghijklmnopq AAAAARRRRRR stuvwxy and z

What did the pirate say to his kids when picking them up from school?

Get in the carrrrrrrrrrrr!

What do you call a pirate with no friends?

Ginger Beard

What does a Pirate prefer to wear?

Doublet or nothing.

What's with the steering wheel?

The pirate says "ARRGGHH! It's drivin' me nuts."

What was the pirate boxing champion known for?

His left hook.

Why is being a pirate addictive?

They say that after you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

What do you call a group of invading pirates?

An **Arrr**my

What did the Pirate say when he got his firecrackers?

Ahoy M-80

Why did Mary get a restraining order against Black Beard the Pirate?

He kept trying to plunder her booty.

How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken

What do pirates of the 21st century wear?

An iPadth.

What does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

About a Buccaneer (buck-an-ear) yuck...yuck...yuck

Why was the pirate arrested for polygamy?

He kept on and on about his mateys.

Why do pirates have trouble walking?

Arrrr-thritis

How much does it cost for a pirate to get an ear piercing?

A buccaneer.

Whats with the wheel on your john?

The pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

How does a pirate tip his hat?

M'Hearty

How do pirates get their hair to stand up?

Sea-men. My brother told me that

Why do all Pirates wear eye patches?

Chuck Norris.

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A buccaneer!

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

What's that hangin' off ye?

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

How much do pirates pay for their earrings?

About a buccaneer!

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?

Scurvy

What did the pirate say to his sister?

Aye sis

How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

Why do pirates prefer black women?

They love booty.

How do u make a Pirate angry?

Take the P out of him.

What the hell is a steering wheel doing there?

The pirate replies: "Arr, it's been driving me nuts"

What did the pirate say with a steering wheel down his pants?

YARRR, IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!!!

What does a pirate say when they drop their scissors?

Scissor me timbers!

What did the pirate say as he was sailing through Jamaica?

X marks the pot, matey.

Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?

The pirate says, "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

A buck an ear

What do pirates like to wear during the winter?

Scarves

Which anti-virus software do pirates prefer?

Avast, ye scurvy dogs!

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