Look Jokes

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

What's the worst thing to hear during a prostate exam?

Look! No hands!

Where does a lonely ant go when it is separated from its colony?

I have no idea, but this looks like a good joke. So post your proposals in comments.

Why can't Vader find a steady relationship?

He keeps looking for love in Alderaan places

What's brown and black and looks good on a hippy?

A rottweiller.

When are they going to bring slavery back?

I am tired of looking for a job.

Why did the brother octopi look so alike?

They were itentacle twins.

What's the difference between up and down?

It all depends on how you look at it

How does every racist joke begin?

With a look over the shoulder.

Why did Tigger get stuck in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh.

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit?

Looks like we're snowed in.

What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

Why don't they have phone books in China?

Because everyone uses the Internet to look up phone numbers or people don't have landlines anymore and cell phone numbers aren't listed in the phone book. Also people use social media to communicate and connect with people.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?

Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you. Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.

Why do proctologists like Facebook?

It's another chance to look up old friends.

What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.

How can you tell if a Redditor is an extrovert?

During any conversation he's looking at YOUR shoes.

What has two legs and looks like a spider?

A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Why do they say all minorities look the same?

Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamaul.

Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?

He was looking for the Captain's log.

What did Peter Pan say during the plane crash?

It looks like we're going to Neverland.

Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?

Because it's still dressing.

Who has two thumbs and looks an awful lot like Alec Baldwin?

Alec Baldwin

How are lawyers and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from a tree

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.

What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

What is best potato?

Latvian potato is best potato. Is kind you spend whole life looking for. Also, low calories.

What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old?

Doesn't matter... must not look down..

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

What is the difference between a introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer?

An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!

What was the Walrus doing in the Tupperware store?

Looking for the tight seal

What does religion and Ikea have in common?

The stuff they have looks good but its impossible to put together. huehue

Why did Tigger jump down the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

Why did the thoroughbred break up with the wild horse?

Because she was looking for a stable relationship.

Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers?

Because they're always looking for drains.

Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison?

He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Where is the lost city of Atlantis?

Lantis. I can't believe nobody has thought to look there yet.

What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?

Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?

So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

How do you spot Will Smith on a snowy Christmas morning?

Look for Fresh Prince

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What did A and B look for at the beach?

A "C" gull!

What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?

Looks like we got a tail.

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight?

Don't look! I'm changing!

How did Jennifer Aniston find her fiancee?

She looked very Theroux-ly.

Why does the Pope shower with his briefs on?

He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.

What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby?

A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

Which French novelist looked like a scrotum?

Balzac

What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?

You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike

Who would win in a fight...your mom or your dad?

From the looks of it, your dad won

Why does the sad crab walk side ways?

Because he has nothing to look forward to

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

Why was Tigger's head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

What's an extroverted accountant?

One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

How can you tell when you are talking to an extroverted engineer?

They look at your feet instead of theirs.

Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?

Pigpockets.

Why did the Greeks want Helen back so bad?

Are you kidding She was the most beautiful woman in the world! Can you imagine what her sons would of looked like

You might also enjoy:

World Jokes More World Jokes

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

Who is the most communist cat in the world?

Meow Zedong

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?

There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.

What is the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

2-3 weeks tops.

Estimate Jokes More Estimate Jokes

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

Look Jokes

What does Han Solo see looking into the mirror?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What does the Pillsbury Doughboy see when he looks down?

Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel?

What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways?

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

How did Marty Mcfly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?

Why was tigger looking down the toilet?

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

How do you spot a sumo at a feminist rally?

What do you call it when a transcendentalist author looks at old photos?

I Love Pizza & You

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

What does an Alzheimer's patient say whenever they browse /r/funny?

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are?

What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg?

What do numbers look like when they get divorced?

What do walruses and tupperware have in common?

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab?

What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party?

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted?

What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?

Why Latvian man did cross road?

What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

Where could you look up Joan of Arc's profile?

Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?

How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert?

What did the French chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

How can you tell if your "designer clothes" are made in China?

What are you looking for buddy?