Time Jokes

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?

V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.

What did one frog say to the other?

Time's sure fun when you're having flies!

Why do traffic lights never go swimming?

Because they spend too much time changing.

Why do men like love at first site?

A. It saves them a lot of time.

What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flies by when you don't?

There are two answers: Time and Boo (from Mario games).

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

Whats a dentists favorite time of day?

The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

How are you dealing with not writing any of the songs?

He responds, "One note at a time."

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?

Time to get it fixed.

What time is it in Brazil?

Oh, it's 7 past Cesar

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

Tennish!

Why did the girl sit on her watch?

She wanted to be on time.

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?

Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?

Because England was discovered before the USA!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?

Time to get a new car.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Who's there! B-2! B-2 who?

B-2 school on time!

Why shouldn't you ask Jon Snow what time it is?

Because his watch has ended.

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open?

Tennish

What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?

Shhhhhhh.

When is the only time you're not American?

When European.

What time are you supposed to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty!

What did one frog say to the other frog?

Time's fun when you're having flies.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

Because an itch in time saves nine.

What did the Russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What kind of dog can tell time?

A clockshund!

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

What time is it?

I don't know... it keeps changing.

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

You might also enjoy:

Texas Jokes More Texas Jokes

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

What's the secret to a long life?

I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

By looking over your shoulder.

How do you get herpes of the eye ball?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Second Time Jokes More Second Time Jokes

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the man who turned into an insect?

He just beetled off!

What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player?

He got crossed.

Country Jokes More Country Jokes

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

Urine-nation!

Which country do doctors hate?

Any

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

Because his life is at stake.

What did the Mexico team travel back home with?

Luggage full of goals.

Writer Jokes More Writer Jokes

Why do writers hate the Bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

Clock Jokes More Clock Jokes

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.

Why do you never buy a woman a watch?

Because there's a clock on the stove.