Man Jokes

What do you call a man with a shovel stuck in his head?

An ambulance because that is a serious medical emergency that requires immediate attention.

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What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?

I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.

What do you call a man with no hands and a book?

A read-only man.

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

Ouch!

What did the man with Verizon say to the woman with Sprint?

You better Sprint on over to the Verizon store.

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?

Warren!

What did the doctor say to the man who couldn't pee?

Urine trouble!

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A power failure.

What happened when the man lost his suspenders?

He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

Not all of them.

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What does a man with two left feet wear to the beach?

Flip-Flips.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink

What do you call a man with a kilt over his head?

Scott!

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?

He was a good conductor.

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

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Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

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Fb Jokes More Fb Jokes

Whats happening?

FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me

What shoes are hard to wear?

Dark Soles Terrible gaming pun. My friend posted this on FB, thought I would share.

Diaper Jokes More Diaper Jokes

What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason

Why are diapers like $10 bills?

Because you have to change them.

Poor Man Jokes More Poor Man Jokes

Why did the poor man sell yeast?

He wanted to make some doe!

What's the diff between a rich man and a poor man?

Rich man has a canopy over the bed, and a poor man has a can o' pee under the bed

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you get if you play a C&W song backwards?

Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.

What do you call a car with a broken exhaust?

Emission impossible

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's the smallest instrument in the world?

An e-lectron.

What's the fastest curry in the world?

Usain Balti..

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?

The Loch Ness Elephant!

Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

Red House Jokes More Red House Jokes

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and the painting of the Last Supper?

You only need one nail to hang the painting.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.