Duck Jokes

Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."

Why is a duck when it's round?

Because the farther it flies, the fewer.

Why your fingers have spaces in between?

Nothing!why? would you like it to be very close to each other. You're not a duck!

What does a duck say when it goes to the doctor?

Quack

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What do you call a duck that's a drug addict?

A quack-head.

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don't. You get down from a duck.

What happens when ducks fly upside down??

They quack up

What do ducks use to get high?

Quack cocaine

What type of drugs do ducks use?

What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine.

What did Buddy Fletcher, accused ponzi scheme runner and husband of reddit's CEO, say to the duck?

Deleted

Why do ducks have flat feet?

So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks.

Why did the duck go into Rehab?

Because he was a quack head

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.

What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head?

Duck.

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What does a duck and a bicycle have in common?

They both have handlebars. Well, except for the duck.

What do you get when you send a duck backwards in time to the moment before you sent the duck?

A Pair-a-ducks.

What do you call a duck on a rampage?

Amok

What do ducks get hooked on?

Quack

What do you call a duck that likes to steal?

A Robber Ducky!

Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

Cause they would quack up.

How can you tell if a duck has soul?

If it's bill withers!

How do you get down from a horse?

You don't. You get down from a duck.

What do ducks do at Christmas time?

They Duckerate cookies....lol...

Why did the duck go to the basketball game?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls!

Why are ducks funny?

Cause they be quacking jokes

What does a duck like to have for breakfast?

Quacker Oats

What does a duck call a tractor?

A Quakter

Why did the duck cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat?

A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

Why did the duck get arrested?

Because he was smoking quack!

Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask?

You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.

Why shouldn't you invite a duck to go out drinking?

Because it would be a party fowl.

Why do NBA players like poultry?

Because they love to slam duck!

What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck?

A Christmas-Quacker!

Why did the duck cross the basketball court?

He heard the referees were blowing fouls... -Jim Norton

How do you get down?

Pluck a duck.

Why do ducks have big flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires.

What was the only thing missing from phil hughes' last innings?

A duck

What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks?

Milk and quackers.

What did one duck say to the other?

Quack!

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven at three fifty tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened.

Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?

They're listening to duckstep!

What do you get when you cross a duck and a pig?

A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him?

Donald, Duck!

Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

How do ducks fly high?

They use quack!

How do you get down off a horse?

You don't, you get down off a duck.

What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

A pair of ducks.

When ducks fly in a V, why is one side of the V longer than the other?

There are more ducks on that side.

Why did the duck go to jail?

He was selling quack.

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What do you get when you cross a duck and a fire work?

A firequacker

Why can ducks fly so well?

They're high on quack.

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A firequaker!

What mouse has two legs?

Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs

What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers!

What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron?

A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A bird that lays down!

Why do ducks have flat webbed feet?

To stomp out forest fires.

What does the ducks in Cern say?

Quark Quark

Why did the duck leave the dancefloor?

He didn't want to get down on it.

What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu?

One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!

Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?

Because he kept quacking all the eggs!

What did the chicken say to the duck who was about to cross the road?

Don't do it, man, you'll never hear the end of it!

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What did Alyssa the duck say to Henry the beaver?

Quack quack!

How do you get down from an aerial ladder?

A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck.

Why did the duck get a red card?

For fowl play.

Why did the duck go to rehab?

Because he was a quack addict!

What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!

Why does duck taste better than turkey?

Because turkey is just poultry in comparison.

How many ducks would there be if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks two ducks between two ducks and two ducks behind two ducks?

4 ducks-because they are in a row.

What did the parrot say when he saw a duck?

Polly want a quacker!

How does a duck pay for lipstick?

She puts it on her bill

What do you call joke told by a duck?

A wise quack.

What is Iraq's national bird?

Duck.

What do you call a duck being kidnapped?

An abduction. I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

What is the difference between a dancer and a duck?

One goes quick on her beautiful legs the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.

What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a duck?

A firequacker.

Why couldn't the duck stop smoking?

Because he was a quack addict

Why were the ducks arrested?

They were selling quack in the park.

Why did the duck leave his flock?

Because he wanted to be a-loone.

Why don't ducks have teeth?

Too much quack.

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