Start Jokes

What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

$Your Age Is Only Math$

April Sale

Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?

To stop getting confused as feminists

Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior?

They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?

Tennish

What time is it when planes start dropping engines?

Shedding season

Whats the biggest difference between men and women?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.

What is the name of the event in which Hillary supporters move out of the US?

A start.

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

Alarmed.

How do they count the Mexican immigrants?

They start with Juan

How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?

When the color of the license plates start to change.

April Sale

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Why wasn't the bike starting?

Because it was 'two-tyred'.

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple.

What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

Why does the Olympic torch always start in Olympia?

Because it's hard to put out a Greece fire.

How will a black chef start with his recipe?

First we steal two Eggs

April Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

$5.99

Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?

Gnocchi

What am I?

I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why have all these complete strangers started to poke around outside my window?

They wanna peek-a-chu.

What is skeleton?

Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

How do I start?

Personal Trainer: By putting down that Pizza slice!

How are STEM majors and inflatable slides the same?

You start off excited over your lofty heights and slowly slide down into something soft.

Why did the clown started his soccer career?

For kicks and giggles.

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

What's a word that starts with "u" and ends with "w"?

Cloning.

April Sale

Love Card

$5.99

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

It's "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?

Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation...

Why are popcorn just like people?

Everything is fine as long as they are white, it is when they turn black it starts to be a problem.

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

What has 10 letters and starts with gas?

Automobile.

How do you start making big bucks?

With a little doe

How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

Jose can you see.....

How many words does it take to start a car?

Forwards

What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?

Leeeeeetttttssss get rrrrrrrrrready to Buuuuuuummmmmmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

What do your call a fish who starts a drug empire?

A scarfish

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

A re-lotion-ship.

How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

Press pray.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

An envelope!

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

It ran to the unstable.

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

He starts coffin...

How does every racist joke start?

Looks over both shoulders....

What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?

They both start blowing but in the end they take everything from you.

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest

How do you start a conversation about men's rights?

Mention feminism.

How do you start a baby shower?

Throw it into a wood chipper.

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?

Wookieeleaks

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

Why did so many black people die in Vietnam?

Because when they shouted "GET DOWN!" they all started dancing.

What do you call a starting indie dev?

No Game No Life

Why is it called Justice League of America?

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

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Start Jokes

What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Your Age Is Only Math

Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?

Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior?

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?

What time is it when planes start dropping engines?

Whats the biggest difference between men and women?

What is the name of the event in which Hillary supporters move out of the US?

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

How do they count the Mexican immigrants?

How did Feminism start?

How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What would you do if i won the lottery?

How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Why wasn't the bike starting?

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Why does the Olympic torch always start in Olympia?

How will a black chef start with his recipe?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?

What am I?

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

Why have all these complete strangers started to poke around outside my window?

What is skeleton?

How do I start?

How are STEM majors and inflatable slides the same?

Why did the clown started his soccer career?

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

What's a word that starts with "u" and ends with "w"?

Love Card

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Why are popcorn just like people?

When to leave your girlfriend?

What is the name of your car?

What has 10 letters and starts with gas?

How do you start making big bucks?

How does procrastination start?

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

How many words does it take to start a car?

What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

What do your call a fish who starts a drug empire?

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

How does every racist joke start?

What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

How do you start a conversation about men's rights?

How do you start a baby shower?

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Why did so many black people die in Vietnam?

What do you call a starting indie dev?

Why is it called Justice League of America?

What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

How do you make a small fortune in aviation?

What, me? Lazy?

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

What's with all of these racist jokes on reddit?

Why did Billy Joel get acquitted?

What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?