Car Jokes

What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why did the spider buy a car?

So he could take it out for a spin!

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?

They couldn't fit a deer into the car.

What do you call a camel in a car?

A camel auto!

What kind of cars do rabbits drive?

Hop rods.

Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?

Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

What is a bullfighter's favourite type of car?

A cabri - ole

What do you call someone who dances on cars?

A morris dancer!

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What part of a car is the laziest?

The wheels. They are always tired.

What car did the Apostles drive?

Hint:Acts 2:1 KJV)

What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

What kind of car does a viking drive?

A fjord

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

What are you looking for in a car?

I said, "It has to be affordable" He said, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?

The bear maximum

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How am I driving?

No seriously, how did I get here. This isn't my car.

What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?

You get to the other side.

What did the car baby say to his car dad?

Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!

Why didn't the car have a tire?

Because cars don't wear clothes.

Why aren't cars made out of wood?

Because they wooden go.

Why did Renault name a car "Le Car"?

So customers wouldn't accidentally drive Le Lawnmower to work.

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?

Carlos

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

Why did the chicken get run over by a car as it was crossing the road?

To get to the Other side

What is the meaning of afford?

It's the car most sales representatives drive.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?

Time to get a new car.

What do people in Florida do when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

Why did the chicken get himself run over by a car?

To get to the "other side".

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?

Mad-at-gas-cars!

What was the car doing in the dressing room?

Changing attire.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars?

Jack-u-la!

What did the dog take when he was run down?

The license number of the car that hit him.

Where do dogs park their cars?

In barkinglots.

When is a car like a frog?

When it's becing toad!

What did the bro say to the bro who couldn't make it to the party because he didn't have a car?

Do you even Lyft

What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?

Don't look I'm changing!

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

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What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her?

Stop using Chex as a weapon!

What's the difference between Marty Mcfly and a Bears fan?

Eventually, Marty Mcfly stopped going back to 1985.

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What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce?

One's a grand car and the other's a grand car

What kind of car does a rich baker drive?

A Rolls-Royce.

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How do you know statisticians are always serious?

They mean what they say.

What rhymes with left and means steal?

Theft

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How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill?

By running! J.K. Rowling

Why did the chicken run across the road?

She was worried the egg would get there first.

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How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull

Who's there! Alexia! Alexia who?

Alexia again to open this door!