Horse Jokes

What did the horse say to the other horse?

Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

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What do you get when you cross a canyon with a horse?

I don't know nobody has ever made it across.

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

Which horse runs the city?

The mare, of course

What do you call a horse that makes bad jokes?

Unicorny

What's a horses favourite condiment?

Mayonneighs

What do Dothraki use to count their horses?

A Khalculator

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

Who are the biggest nay-sayers on Earth?

Horses

What did the horse get on his oral exam?

A-neigh

What do horses hope for on election day?

A stable economy

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What do you call a horse that lives next to you?

A Neigh-bor. Sorry for my horrible dad joke.

What did the mountain climber name his horse?

Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.

What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

How do jockeys stay on their horses?

Jockey straps.

What did the horse say when he regained his vision?

Merci.

Why did the horse get a divorce?

It didn't have a stable relationship.

Why do the horses hate the jockey?

Because he's a horse racist.

What's the favorite color of horses?

Horse rddish.

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

How do you get a horse out of jail?

Hay bail.

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Why did the horse stumble?

He was de-stable-ized.

How do you call a jockey falling from his horse?

An Hippic fail.

What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?

A gallop poll.

What do you call a horse at night?

A Nightmare

What do you call someone that lives next a horse?

Their neighbor

What race of horses is the most popular on Pandora?

Neightiri.

How much power does it take to move a tank?

A horse

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

Why do horses have such a low divorce rate?

Because they're all in relationships!

What's the difference between a horse and a zebra?

A lawyer.

What did the horse say when he fell down?

I've fallen and I can't giddyup.

How many Dornishmen does it take to shoe a horse?

Nine. One to do the shoeing, and eight to lift up the horse!

How do you get down from a horse?

You don't. You get down from a duck.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

What's a camel?

A horse made by committee.

What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse?

An horse.

What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?

He went on furlong-er.

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?

They both paralyze Superman

What did Keanu Reeves say to slow down his horse?

Whoa.

What do you do when a horse breaks down?

Call triple neighhh!

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?

He was always horsing around.

What kind of television do horses like?

Saddle-lite TV

What did Paul Revere say when he got on his horse?

Giddy up horsey!

How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?

A horse!

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony

Why are horses never overweight?

They're on a stable diet.

Why are horses so negative?

Because they're nay sayers.

What do you call a mummy on a horse?

A knight in Charmin armor.

Why do you wear riding boots?

You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers You don't sneak.

What do you call a horse that's a criminal?

A Zebra.

What did the horse say when it walked into the bar?

Ouch...

How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?

He tried to stirrup some interest!

What do call a horse that lives near you?

A neighbor (naybor for pessimist horses)

What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?

Mentally in-stable.

Why did the horse miss the joust?

He had the knight off!

What does the horse call the pigs on his farm?

Neigh-boars.

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

A hobby horse.

What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill?

It bucked!

What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show?

I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?

Yankee poodle!

What do you call a horse that has been kicked out of his house?

Unstable.

How do you hire a horse?

Put a brick under each hoof!

How do you get down off a horse?

You don't, you get down off a duck.

What do you call a horse getting carried away with a magic marker?

A zebra.

What person strives to ensure safety for horses?

Ralph Neighder!

What did the horse say when he fell over?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

What do you call the area where a horse lives?

The NEIGHHHHHHborhood

Why did the boy stand behind the horse?

He thought he might get a kick out of it!

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

Why did the horse fail German?

Because he could only say, "neighn!"

Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?

They're always switching their tails!

Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?

Because it's covered with horsehide!

What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?

Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses?

In the Sir Lance Lot

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?

If one bit you you could ride it to hospital!

Why was the man sued by his horse?

For palomino-money!

When you go for a bus ride do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?

I prefer to ride on top but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

What's as big as a horse but weighs nothing?

A horses shadow!

What if horses rode horses?

And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

Why do they call a horse a horse?

Because they speak English.

What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?

If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.

How did horses get to America in the 1700's?

On the Hayflower!

Why don't gelding horses like to race?

Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

Why do women love men who work with Horses?

Because those men have got Stable jobs.

What do you call the horse than lives next door?

A neighbour!

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night!

Why do horses make terrible congressmen?

Because they can only say "neigh!" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary.

What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?

The ground!

Who is a cow and horses favorite artist?

Moo Nay!

Why was Roy Rogers upset when he fell off his horse?

He wanted a Trigger warning.

What do ghosts like about riding horses?

Ghoulloping.

How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

Start off with a large fortune!

What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!

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How can a law student make it?

Lowering the bar. or not to.

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

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What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

What operating system does Varys have on his computer?

Unix

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How do porcupines hug?

Carefully!

What if sharks hug with their mouths?

Just sayin.

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Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?

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How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

How do you spot a bad boss your first day on the job?

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Whats the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

What pair of shoes could the ginger only wear?

The pair with no sole.