Hebrews.
Crucifried
Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?
He was Cross-Fit.
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
The Cross Product
Jiu Jitsu.
Wine-er-melon
A bit cross.
He got too attached to his work.
Jesus may actually return some day.
A velocirapture
Because it was Hammertime'
A Cruci-fixie.
Because they fall through his hands.
So long and thanks for all the fish." Edit: Everyone hates me.
Jesus in a hurry.
Because he said he loves miso.
Don't do anything until I get back
Because his friend asked him when he thought they should cross.
He was cross.
Because Jesus WEPt.
I've cleaned up and found Jesus.
Pontius Pilates
Because he only had 12 followers.
He got crossed up.
He didn't like getting nailed to the boards.
Is an unfair question. He had superpowers. Your lifeboat is sinking. WWJD Well, he'd get out and walk to shore. See
Jesus: *winks at camera*
She heard about his second coming
Haploid
He tried to skip the Cross walk.
Made you look!
OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.
At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"
Nailed it.
Crossfit
Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)
Because he got nailed on the boards.
What did Jesus say to Mohammed 'I died for you' What did Mohammed say in return 'How many did you take with you '
He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
Because he'd always get nailed into the boards
Pray-Pal
This is my body, I'm nice with jam.
A good Friday
He didn't like the Pilate
A nail gun!
Because given enough time it rises
Jesus, take the wheel!
Because he never existed.
J.C. Penny
Because "made of bread" was already taken by Jesus.
A cross trainer.
Because she was touched by Jesus.
Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.
When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!
Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns
Jesus: Why Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what Judas:Across. How long across.
4. Prophet.
Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.
Fridays.
A one night stand with Jesus
It wasn't making enough prophet
Because Jesus saves.
The Auntie Christ.
They both have a little Jesus in 'em...
Jesus: looks at feet They're using boards
I turned MY student loans into vodka...
Cross fit.
Propheteroles
Because he has holes in his hands
JESUS: "God loves you." You BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too
A nail gun
Well, the cross was a big plus
Long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now
He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal
He keeps getting NAILED TO THE BOARDS!...
They both got nailed
You only need a nail to hang a painting.
Jesus said to him "Behold! I am risen!" and he said "That's nice I don't bereave you."
I herd that.
Crossfitting.
To make sure his cross fit.
Chjesus Chrust *Thanks I will show myself out*
Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)
Darth Vader." "Was he 1 of Jesus disciples " "I dunno, I've only seen the 1st movie."
He was well hung and super into cross fitting!
Jesus wasn't Mexican. He was human.
Because every time he tried he got nailed to the boards!
This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.
Probably ban nail guns
Because you can't cross a road when your nailed to a cross
CrossFit
A manual.
Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish ' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite
Nailed it
Spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.
Coo clucks clan
Believing that one day, the chicken will cross the road, it fills you with determination.
A Tattoo.
Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body
It doesn't protect from harmful rays
Because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.
He kept on getting nailed into the boards.
So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!
Framed.
I've been framed!
Because they want to.
Mr. T-Bone
Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.
Red paint
Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.
A matching one for the other side of the bed.
