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In my excitement, I asked my girlfriend "How's your daddy " instead of "Who's your daddy " and now five hours later we're still talking about his diabetes...

What did Josh say when asked if his sister was good in bed?

I Duggar.

When she approached my car window I asked what's wrong officer?

She said "ugh nothing!"

How many are you?

We are three. - Three - Me and my brother. - You have a brother - No why do you ask

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

$5.99

Which side is it best to lie on?

She asked. "The side that pays your fee" replied the doctor.

Where have you been?

He asked. "To my mother-in-law's burial." "Then why the scratches on your face " "She kept resisting, that old fart."

Why Won't Anyone Tell me the Name of Ukraine's 5th Largest City?

They keep telling me to stop asking...

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

When you ask a girl, Wanna go to the gym with me?

Https://www.youtube.com/watch v=rQegAi6d-MM

What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really?

Said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."

What would you say is your biggest flaw?

I step in in people's conversations" "i was asking *him*"

Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in three years?

I don't have 2020 vision.

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

What's the easiest way to end a friendship?

Just asking for a friend

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?

An algorithm.

How long have you had this problem?

The doctor asked. "Lest's see" said the patient "Mom had the litter in '41

Why you ask?

If it was any longer it wouldn't be a foot

Why so glum Chum?

Asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "

Where do you see yourself exploding in five years?

They asked.

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

And I have few friends in real life.

Why aren't you married yet" is like asking "Why haven't you jumped from a moving car yet?

B/c it's painful and not required

How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look ask me when I get back from India okay

What did the yogi say to his friends when they asked him to leave?

Nah I'ma stay

How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

Why did the army's craftsman enact a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy?

He didn't want any glaze in the military

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

What is she doing?

The pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

How do you feel?

Asks the fluoride ion. "Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

And whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

Asking for a friend

Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing all she does is ask questions!

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

When asked which is more important looks or brains?

9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.

How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?

He asks with a large smile on his face.

When he grow up, he will ask me, "Dad, did you name me after a planet?

And i will be like, "No:("

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.

When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

Answer "Scissors." then drive away..

What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?

Asks his wife. "31 black"

What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world?

Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!

Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

How do you ask for a cigarette in Spain?

Tapas a snout!

When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?

Do NOT respond with "I know, right!"

How do you know he's a peeping tom?

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a Pikachu'".

What are we going to do when we see it?

She asks. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

When someone asks "You know what I think?

I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.

What country are you from?

I asked. "Iraq" he said. "How did you escape " I asked. IRAN

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What happens when u ask a fake logic fan... What is your favorite logic album?

Their response Flexicution

What hotel does Link always ask for?

HYATT

What do you get when you mix Fascism and Communism?

I don't know, that's why I was asking you.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What will it be for you, my friend?

The vendor asks. "Make me one with everything"

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you do when your Apple device gets warm?

Ask apple to open the backdoor.

When your boss asks you "do I look stupid to you?

It's a rhetorical question I know this now

How do you ask someone if they're Vegan?

You don't need to, they'll tell you

Why Isn't The Media Covering This?

The media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.

What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted?

Brigham Young

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love Easter, baby." (OC)

Why the sad face?

Asks the bartender. "I got fired."

What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?

Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What are my choices?

He asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

What did the Canadian eel say when the bartender asked him if he'd had enough?

No, I think I'd like some more-ay.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What did baby corn asked mummy corn?

Where's popcorn.

What do you think you're doing?

The observant teacher asks. To which he replies... "writing an ese"

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