He buys a new house.
Shorts!
Ebay.
Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.
A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.
De Beers
Me: I'd rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it.
Because he got a hole in one!
7 tees, 30 eggs
You pay a buccaneer.
Wet.
I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.
IT'S BABBAGES, BABBAGES
Homardware.
He wanted to buy stock options.
I'd like to buy an owl
Because he didn't want toupee.
There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.
A Dell
She writes a Chopin Liszt.
Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays...
So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.
DANKE!
When they're in Denali.
Because there are eyes everywhere!
Reebark
So his chicken fingers wouldn't get cold. I'll leave now
Just for the halibut.
Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback
A washing machine
Bar tender
A short one!
Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."
Me: So they can buy stuff. 4: Why don't they just steal the stuff She's a criminal mastermind.
Because other stores are too mainSteam.
They might be laced with something..
When it goes cheep!
Buck teeth!
Wild Twerky!
Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays
So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.
So he could "get a long little doggy".
Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.
He went to Jared.
We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.
Compra maize.
She thought the apple was poisoned.
You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!
I bought the Groupon but can't make it
I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.
Because they buy no meals. (Binomials)
She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!
She couldn't raise enough dough.
Pennsylvania.
2 gals 1 cup(http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my20triptothelocallatinmarketnetted165/)
Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...
The GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY
Because he had a stinking cold!
It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.
Because he believed that all proper tea was theft.
The outlet
Cos Chernobyl fall out
Because the steaks are too high.
2 Get Chocolate Milk!!
Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*
In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.
Now, I tweet them
God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
He wanted Mark Antony!
So he could take it out for a spin!
I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!
So he could organize his crime
Sears.
A. At a secondhand store.
Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay
I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.
When they're going cheap!
They take the long-grain home.
Who is not buying this
A good vacuum cleaner!
A. So they can find their way back to the house.
He was going through a midlife ISIS
Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
Their odds of winning are the same
They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't!
Penne.
A stool sample.
And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.
They're investing in wheel estate.
The Oli-Mart
I bought he GOOD dollar store condoms!!!
Turban Outfitters
The jury store
Because if they called it Nut Juice nobody would buy it.
A good in-vest-ment
From the supermeerkat
From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.
Kid: At the Joke shop.
A Muslim
Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....
I don't know, how?: Take the S away from "safe" and the F out of "way.": But there's no F in way.:
Just two, as long as they can find a way in.
9 months.
9 mouths
From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't Walk."
Jerry's Kids...
A jet engine stops whining after it lands
One has a coo, the other has a coup
Alcohol
Bill Murray.
Oh don't worry, they'll tell you
One has parents
At the monkey bars.
Over-dressed!
Because cars don't wear clothes.
Bee flat Music joke for those who don't understand. B flat is a note.
