As told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.
Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)
He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.
Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine
You get a tizzy signal!
Because it is not called a teethbrush.
You don't, they will tell you.
You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.
Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!
Pupil: Dead I didn't even know he was sick!
No worries they will tell you
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
I don't know it's lard to tell.
Chop chop.
With a romantic tock.
WRONG.**... or right, or something in between.
They tell you.
Because he had been told to ice it.
It's a little meteor.
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
One they've never herbivore.
It has low shoulders.
I dunno, I just repost them.
I don't remember.
Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!
It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
Never tell anyone what are you so mad about
Eschew! Eschew!
I told you it would rain, dear.
She's the one with dirty knees.
A corn snake
It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!
Well first you're are in an argument on Facebook.
Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.
You get a buzzy signal.
Dont look at me I'm changing
Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.
He isn't very App-y
They wanted to see it crack up!
Chickpea
Pull down its genes.
Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.
The one with the dirty knees.
Don't get your sheets dirty!
A running joke.
They take things literally.
There is writing on the White-out.
Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)
He gets pale as a sheet.
They'll tell you.
Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'
A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke
It has a rattle.
So you can tell it apart from urine
You tell your mom you're Sikh.
You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on "What is 'good' " first.
The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.
Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.
He leaves a dark mark
They already told you.
Namaste
It's not there.
It raises a stink!
Because they like being amoosed!
I don't know either he told me to askew!
They both have Sandy Claws.
CORNY JOKES!!!
A shaggy dogs tale!
Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.
You've got no beef soldier!
No- Good. Yes- That's too much.
I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana
A tale of whoa!
By their names.
I asked him. He said, "Tell her about my job."
Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.
So you can tell them from flamingos!
Once when you tell it once when you tell her the punchline and once when she gets it.
Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!
They've already told you.
A rabbit doesn't look like a gorilla.
She sneezes.
Count the stripes on his track pants.
A wise quack.
Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."
Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....
I'll look into it.
Dad jokes
It smells funny. --As told to me by an Engineering lead... Much facepalm ensued.
Basically you just give a charity some money and don't tell anyone about it.
If he was from anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush.
I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes... A FSHHH
Tell it to change its socsks!
Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway
They check the architexture.
Billy Braggs too much tell him to stop it!
Holy moley, I didn't know that!
When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.
A zebra.
Fo drizzle b: fo shizzle C: fo nizzle D: fo bizzle
It was important not to fall off the wagon.
European
Tell them it's nearly finished.
I told her that drinks were on the house
Instead of all this "how did you get in to my house " calling 9-11 business.
Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!
Corpell tunnel syndrome
I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."
No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico
He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
