Stop Jokes

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

What is the best way to stop a politician?

A really strong gust of wind.

What's the difference between a lorry with good brakes, and a lorry with nice brakes?

A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

What is the best part of Pokemon Go?

I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.

What did the puffer fish say to the sea anemone?

Stop being so closed off.

Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

Because they all joined

How do you stop a Lion from charging?

Have a successful dentistry practise.

How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging?

Take away it's credit cards.

Why did the bicycle stop moving?

Because it was two-tiered.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop to ask for directions.

Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail?

Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.

What's orange and white and stops at sunlight?

Gingers

How do you stop a rhino from charging?

You unplug it!

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

Why did Barty Crouch Jr. stop drinking?

It was making him Moody Edit: Guys, its a Harry Potter Joke for those who don't get it.

What can stop supervirus from destroying humanity?

Batvirus (stolen joke xD)

Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

Because 36 would be too many.

What stopped winter for coming?

Cuz Winterfell and it can't get up!

How many babies does it take to stop a puck?

Ask Subban from the Hans to find out

What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?

Don't stop! Be leaving!" Just a joke I thought up the other day.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now.

Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

Because Demeter stopped working.

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?

STOP RESISTING!!!

How do you stop a metal from rusting?

Use some antioxidants

Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines?

Because they had a point

What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

How will you escape?

Dude: It's very simple, I will stop my imagination

What made the orange stop suddenly?

It just ran out of juice.

What Journey song to Chinese people sing at funerals?

Don't Stop Bereavin'

What did the daddy salt say to his son?

Stop cracking your NaCles.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

Earthquakes stop shaking

What made the world stop being Blue?

The new softcap limits

What's the difference between Marty Mcfly and a Bears fan?

Eventually, Marty Mcfly stopped going back to 1985.

How are babies different from feminists?

Babies grow up and stop crying

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing?

Stop being so elfish, Karen!

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away its USB cable.

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

What did the big chimmney say to the little chimmney?

Stop smoking. You are too young to smoke

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

Why did the researchers stopped their research on embryos?

Because the subject is still to immature.

How does someone stop ISIS?

Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

Why did the cat stop singing?

Because it was out of tuna.

Why Can't the Guy Addicted to Brake Fluid Quit?

He couldn't stop.

Why did the motorcycle suddenly stop running?

Because it was two tired.

Why do stop lights turn red?

You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everybody.

How do you stop clowns from attacking you?

Go for the juggler

Which chocolate stops dogs hair falling out?

Malteasers

Why did the Rabbi stop buying beer?

Hebrewed his own

What stops your hair from falling?

The floor

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

What's more fun then swinging a baby on a clothes line?

Stopping it with a shovel.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?

He didn't see a porpoise...

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

What do you call tree sap that won't stop running?

Forest gunk.

Why was the blond late on her first day of work?

Because she stopped taking the pill about a month earlier.

How do you stop an angry rhino from charging?

You take away its credit card

Why did the Eskimos have to stop partying?

Because they ran out of Natural Light

How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice?

He won't stop banging at the door.

How is a computer like an air conditioner?

They both stop working properly when you open windows.

Why did they stop feeding cows the round bales of hay in Texas?

Because they weren't getting a square meal.

Why did the blonde wear green lipstick?

Because red means stop D

What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her?

Stop using Chex as a weapon!

Why did the liontamer stop using WinZip?

Because lions only understand.rars

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

What does a dyslexic tiger and a bus driver have in common?

A bus driver can't change his stops.

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Sony Jokes More Sony Jokes

Why do Asians prefer Sony?

Because it's a stereo type

Why did the boy stop using his Sony, his Boombox, and his Bose Radio?

He stopped believing in stereotypes.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why couldn't the Jedi open the door?

He didn't use enough force...

What's up, punk?

Nothing," he replied, "I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before."

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

How do you get a German out of the bath?

Turn on the water.

What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

Pupil: Stop taking baths

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

Because she didn't know which one came first!

What's up, Chad?

He'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro "

Stop Light Jokes More Stop Light Jokes

What did the stop light say to the car?

Don't look I am changing

What did the first stop light say to the second stop light?

Don't look I'm changing

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What is the car that everyone sleeps in?

The Ford Siesta Many thanks to for that one.

Why was the egg late for work?

It ova slept.

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

How much does a rock weigh?

One stone.

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.