Want Jokes

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What do you call a Cloyster that wants to learn the move Rain Dance?

The clam before the storm!

Why did the cowboy want a Weiner dog?

To get a long little doggy.

Why did Loki want the tesseract?

To get rid of his tesserection

Why did the late man stand on the clock?

He wanted to be on time.

What will they ask Jared of Subway in the prison shower?

Do you want a 6 or a 12 inch one?' I heard this joke on Bill Burr's podcast.

Why are some musicians so antisocial?

Because all they want is tonics and dominance.

Why did Serj Tankian cross the road?

Because he wanted to...

What do Albanian kids want to be when they grow up?

Italian

When you're cold inside, where do you stand?

You usually want to stand at a corner, they're around 90 degree's

What do we want? Low flying plane noises! when do we want em?

Nnneeeeeeeeyyyyyoooooowwwww

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Why did the otter want to work at NASA?

So he could go to Otter Space.

What Did Superman Tell Superwoman?

Do you want to be in my Crib Tonight (Kryptonite)

Why do you want your lawyer to be a U2 fan?

Cos they're always pro-Bono

What does your wife/girlfriend want more than anything in the world?

Nothing, she's fine.

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?

She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why did Santa want a divorce?

His wife made sure he only came once a year.

What's the last thing you want to hear when you're blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

What do you call a Snorlax that wants to win a race?

A cab.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What do Jaqen H'ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common?

They both know "what a girl wants" and "what a girl needs".

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

Why was the hippo afraid to go skiing?

He didn't want to get hippothermia.

What do waiters want most after dinner?

The tip!

Why are there so many dogs at the pound?

Because no one wants them.

Why doesn't God want to argue with Satan?

Because Satan has more politicians to help him.

Why don't dentists display their awards?

Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.

Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings?

He wanted more Monet in his wallet.

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and cheese.

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

Why did the boy want to see a thunder storm in Greece?

Because Greece lightening

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again?

Au nevoir.

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

An anarchid.

Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

Because they don't want a man lost!

How do you get rid of pubic lice?

Seriously, it is not a joke. I really want to know.

Why do tigers have stripes?

They don't want to be spotted.

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

He's distracting the sniper. Didn't want to offend.

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS!...Polly want a cracker.

What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen?

I don't want to go anywhere. I'm two tired.

Why'd the robber take a bath?

He wanted to make a clean getaway.

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

It e-loaf-es!

Why do athletes like Sports Illustrated Magazine so much?

There's nothing athletes want more to see in a magazine than sports and illustrations.

What are the four words that you least want to hear, after having blown Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks.

What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

Why did the Mexican food go to counseling?

He wanted to taco bout his problems

What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?

Human Resources.

Why is Superman wanted by the police?

He is wanted for being the Man of Steal.

Why was Thor disappointed by his birthday party?

Because it was more Loki than he wanted.

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

Why did the poor man sell yeast?

He wanted to make some doe!

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

Why do Newfies want Qubec to separate?

So it's a shorter drive to Toronto!

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware store?

Because he wanted a tight seal.

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

What's the difference between fishing and dating?

In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.

How do bros want their drinks?

NOICE!!!!

What do you call a yak that wants to talk to you about a network marketing opportunity?

A cognac

What did a blind French guy said he wanted for Christmas?

All I want for Christmas is yeux

Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?

He didn't want to be called chicken

What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

What does a guy drink when he wants to go out with a girl?

DATERADE

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

Why didn't the scarecrow want dessert?

Because he was stuffed!

What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?

A Cache-Advance

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Why are there only 49 Miss Black America contestants?

Because none of them want to be Miss. Idaho

Why is the all-seeing eye the symbol of the occult?

Because they want us all under super-vision!

Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep?

Krillex.

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

Why didn't the motorcycle want to go for a ride?

It was two tired...

Why did the ninja go to college?

He wanted to be a ninja-neer.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party?

He wanted to find a tight seal.

What is the last thing you want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson' Credit: old joke via: Norm Macdonald

What did the diver say to the oyster?

I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!

Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house?

He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

Why did the gamer start working out?

He wanted to finally get respecced.

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

Cause he wanted to get along little doggie.

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?

Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.

What seemed to be the parrots problem?

Prolly wanted a cracker!

What does Professor Xavier say when he wants to be tickled?

Tummy, my X-Men!

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Alaska?

Just for the halibut.

Who wants to hear an awesome knock knock joke?

Okay, you start.

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

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Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn!

Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?

Because deep down they are really nice.

Pea Jokes More Pea Jokes

Why did the orange move to veggieland?

So he could live in peas and hominy.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

Time Travel Jokes More Time Travel Jokes

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?

Irrelevant.

Soba Jokes More Soba Jokes

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Day Ago Jokes More Day Ago Jokes

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Satisfy Jokes More Satisfy Jokes

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Time Machine Jokes More Time Machine Jokes

Why do time machines make you happy?

They're an anti de-present.

Ben Jokes More Ben Jokes

Who's there! Ben! Ben who?

Ben knocking on this door all morning!

What do they say when Batman catches a cold?

He's ben affleckted.