Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?

A smooth operator!

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What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set?

A boa constructor!

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a boomerang?

A nasty smell that you can't get rid of.

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?

Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

Why did the chicken cross the rode?

To get to the other side.

What do you get when you cross a Dachshund, a Schnauzer, a Shih Tzu, and a Poodle?

A Wienerschnitzel.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail?

The world's slowest vampire.

What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf?

A monster with an all-over perm.

What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?

Bugs Bunny!

Why did the strawberry cross the road?

There was a traffic jam.

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Why did the monkey cross the road?

To loot the pharmacy on the other side

What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight?

Sir Loin!

What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee?

A humdinger.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?

A sourpuss!

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower!

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?

The Netcracker suite.

What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog?

A fangfurther.

What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ!

What do you get when you cross the New World Order and risque behavior?

The Illuminaughty

What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?

Curly hare.

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What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?

A bear faced lyre!

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?

The Masked-quito!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?

A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

What do you get when you cross Captain America and The Hulk?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?

He had to get a new goat!

Why didn't the engineer cross his own bridge?

Because he didn't truss it.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort?

The Baaahaaamaaas!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp?

Something that stinks and stings!

What's a European immigrant's favorite high school sport?

Cross country

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

Why did the pancake cross the road?

His friends egged him on

What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a budgie?

A messy cage.

When is a bad time to cross a black cat?

When you are a mouse!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?

Light ale!

Why did the chicken cross the road twice?

Because it was a double-crosser

What do you call a president crossing the road?

A presidestrian

What do you get when you cross bears with salmon?

Cannibals.

What do you get if you cross a cow a French fry and a sofa?

A cowch potato!

What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?

Wet feet.

Why'd the British man cross the ocean?

Freedom.

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?

I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs!

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?

Lots of very worried dogs.

What do you get if you cross a dentist and a soldier?

A Drill Sergeant

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?

You get light music.

What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?

Dirty looks from the mouse!

What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?

Bell-bottoms!

Why did the hummer cross the river?

For the insurance money.

Why did Jesus go to the gym?

To make sure his cross fit.

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper!

Why did the nihilist cross the road?

It doesn't matter.

Why did the chicken cross the "net"?

It wanted to get to the other site!

How did the chewing gum cross the road?

By sticking to the chicken's foot.

What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?

An Algo-rhythm.

What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?

Something from another universe -ity!

Why did the shrimp cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone?

A fangster.

How do American chickens cross the road?

In a bucket.

Why did Einstein cross the road?

So the other side could get to him

What do you get when you cross Kansas with a vulture?

Carrion my wayward son

What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone?

A lot of crackling on the line!

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food?

Hop suey!

What do you get when you cross a mad cow and an angry sheep?

An animal in a very baaaaaaad mooooooood

What do you get when you cross dessert with a monkey?

A Meringueutan

Why did the chicken and the freemason cross the street?

To get the Yolk Rite.

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle?

Bike carbonate of soda!

Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail?

Because they couldn't cross the streams.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day?

The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

What do you get when you cross a spud and a metal show?

Moshed potatoes.

Why did the 25 year old cross the street?

To catch a charmander.

What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a duck?

A firequacker.

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What do you get when you cross a Rat and a Mountain Climber?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector by a scalar. EDIT: changed multiply to cross.

What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe?

A melon collie.

What do you get when you cross a Jedi with a nun?

A force of habit

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues. Credit: Curious: The Tourist's Guide

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey?

A cross.

What do you get if you cross a telephone and a marriage bureau?

A wedding ring!

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?

A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?

Melon-collie!

What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe?

A long necked toothbrush.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?

A ghoul Yule!

What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an elephant?

A tusky!

Why did the chicken cross the school yard?

To get to the other slide!

What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken?

Roost beef!

What do you get when cross the Dukes of Hazzard car with K.I.T.T.?

General Lee speaking.

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?

Addercadabra and abradacobra!

What do you get when you cross........ the DNA of a human with the DNA of a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?

A pecking order.

What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa!

What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange?

A pip squeak.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?

Swimming trunks

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks

What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement?

Permanent waves!

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy?

Something you wouldn't want to unwrap!

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Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What's in your mom's tummy?

5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

Scalar Jokes More Scalar Jokes

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Mosquito Jokes More Mosquito Jokes

Why are mosquitos religious?

They prey on you!

What do you get when a mountain climber crosses a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

Dirt Jokes More Dirt Jokes

Why did the caveman drag his cavewoman around by the hair?

Because if he dragged her around by the feet she would fill up with dirt.

How much storage do you need for a mouthful of dirt?

A Terra Bite

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal?

A doctor.

Where do animals go when their tails falls off?

The retail store

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How does a poor mans cube look like?

It's a sphere.

What do you call a man with 6,022 x 1023 dollars?

A Moleionaire

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

How is she now?

She's fine. But the dog died.

Asians Jokes More Asians Jokes

How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

2. 1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.

What do Asians do when they have erections?

They vote